Chapter 21

Chapter 21 For the Sake of Living, I Have to Give It My All

In the third-floor stairwell.

“Don’t stop me,” Qi Lin shook Old Cat’s arm hard and shouted, “I’m going to ask Captain Yuan why he’s reassigning me to logistics.”

“Are you cut out for frontline work? Get a grip, stop dragging other people down with you…” Old Cat glared back at him, “The case wasn’t cracked last night, everyone’s already pissed off. If you go looking for Old Yuan now, you’re walking straight into the line of fire. If he loses his temper and strips you of your position, won’t you look like a complete idiot?”

“…!”

While the two were arguing, Qin Yu came down from upstairs and asked, “What are you two doing?”

Both of them froze.

“Can you not shout in here? Have you no shame?” Qin Yu frowned at them and said, “Come on, let’s go outside and sit down. I need to have a word with Qi Lin anyway.”

After hesitating for a while, Qi Lin was eventually dragged away by Qin Yu and Old Cat.

……

Downstairs.

Lin Nianlei blinked her big, pretty eyes and said, “I’m a web journalist. I found out that someone’s been selling overpriced smuggled medicine around Tuzha Street… While I was doing an undercover investigation, those thugs spotted us and grabbed our camera.”

“Do you know who they are?”

“No.”

“Fill out a form, print a copy of your ID, and write down the time, location, and specific details.” The officer on duty tossed over an inquiry form.

Lin Nianlei took it, sat down on a chair, and carefully filled it out before handing it back, “Is that good? Can you go arrest them now?”

“Alright, you can head back. We’ll look into it.”

“No, my camera is still with them, and they haven’t left. Can’t you just go over and arrest them?!” Lin Nianlei was getting anxious.

“Do I need you to tell me how to handle a case?” The officer leaned back with his legs crossed, “Go home. We’ll contact you when there’s news.”

“No, what kind of attitude is that? They stole my camera, and they should still be there. Why can’t you go right now?”

“Can’t you understand what I’m saying? I’m telling you to go home first.”

“…You!” Lin Nianlei’s face flushed red with anger, and in desperation she called out, “Forget it, I’ll find Qin Yu. Is he here?”

“You know someone here?” The officer paused and asked.

“Yes, I know him.”

“Then wait a moment.” The officer’s attitude softened slightly as he picked up his walkie-talkie and said a few words.

Lin Nianlei waited nearby for about a minute before the officer shook his head and said, “Qin Yu’s not in, he’s gone out.”

Lin Nianlei looked helpless, “Then can you at least come with me to get my camera back?”

“Can’t go right now. I need to report it up the chain and investigate through proper procedure.”

“…Unbelievable.” Lin Nianlei muttered a curse, grabbed her bag, and walked out.

……

In a breakfast shop next to the police station.

Qi Lin stared blankly at the multigrain steamed bun on the table, completely still.

“Don’t get so worked up. If they’re moving you to logistics, just go. Captain Yuan is still angry…” Qin Yu ate his food, trying to say a few words to comfort Qi Lin.

Qi Lin’s eyes were bloodshot. He stared down at his palms and murmured, “It’s not fair.”

Old Cat had a short fuse, and he’d already been unhappy with Qi Lin’s performance the night before, so hearing this set him off immediately, “What the hell do you mean, not fair? You didn’t do your job right. Is it wrong to punish you for that? I told you before, you’re completely not cut out for frontline work, but you kept dreaming about getting promoted… Look where that got you. You didn’t just screw yourself over, you screwed over your colleagues too… If A Long had been caught last night, what do you think the reaction from above would be today? Everyone involved in the case would’ve been commended. But because you didn’t dare shoot, not only are we all getting punished, Old Hei got beaten to death… Did you see his body? Three gunshot wounds. His bulletproof vest was shattered.”

Qin Yu heard this and said nothing.

Qi Lin slowly raised his head. There was no trace of agitation on his face, only a numb, hollow expression as he said, “Old Cat, can you not jump to conclusions before you even understand the details of what happened?”

“What details? Then tell me, why didn’t you shoot? Why?” Old Cat slammed down his bowl and glared at him.

Qi Lin clenched both fists, stared at Old Cat for a few seconds, then gritted his teeth and said, “Fine. Say I didn’t shoot… I was wrong. I’ll own that.”

“It was your fault to begin with.”

“But have you never made a mistake? Not even once?” Qi Lin suddenly shot back.

Old Cat was momentarily speechless.

“But I haven’t. Not once since the day I became a police officer have I made a fundamental mistake. Not a single time.” Qi Lin’s voice trembled as he looked at Qin Yu and Old Cat, “I’ve walked on eggshells, been careful about everything I do at the station. Not only have I never made a mistake before, but to get promoted to second-rank officer and earn a few hundred more a month, I worked hard enough to place in the top three for shooting at the precinct and first place at the station. Isn’t that right?”

Qin Yu heard this and was completely stunned, because he had no idea Qi Lin had any shooting accolades at all.

“When I brought honors to the station, there was no real reward. But when I make a mistake, there’s punishment. Is that fair?” Qi Lin asked, his eyes reddening, “Is a second-rank promotion really that hard? It’s just one word from someone up top, so why does it never come to me? Why has no one ever said that one word for me? Nominated every year, and every year I’m just there to make up the numbers. Am I wrong? Tell me, am I wrong, Old Cat?!”

Old Cat had never heard Qi Lin speak to him in this tone before, and for a moment he was caught off guard.

“I’m not like you. You’ve got Old Li covering your back at the station. You can mess with anyone you want, and when you’re in a bad mood you can even curse at Yuan Ke. But can I do that? Forget cursing someone out, if I say one wrong thing and offend the wrong person, I might be sent home the next day. If I lose my job, who pays for my mom’s medical bills, who takes care of my little sister? You? Tell me, is it you?!” Qi Lin’s voice was hoarse as he clenched his fists and growled, “People like you are living life. I’m just trying to survive. I don’t dare risk my life. When things go wrong, I back off, because I don’t have the right to throw my life away fighting someone… There are two mouths at home waiting for me to feed them. If I don’t work for three days, they’ll starve. You have connections behind you. I have burdens behind me. So you can criticize me, look down on me from up high, and all I can do is keep my head down, forever. Maybe someday, even if I give everything I’ve got, I’ll only just barely reach the starting point you began from. That’s all.”

When he finished, Qi Lin stood up, looked blankly at Qin Yu and Old Cat, and said, “You two eat. I’m heading out.”

“Qi Lin!” Qin Yu called out.

Qi Lin didn’t look back, and walked out of the breakfast shop alone.

Old Cat frowned and kept drinking his porridge.

Qin Yu sat there in a daze, lost in thought.

After a long while, Old Cat lowered his head and asked, “Did I come down too hard on him?”

“Yeah, a little.” Qin Yu nodded.

“I’m just genuinely worried about him…” Old Cat let out a sigh.

……

Snow began to fall from the sky. Qi Lin walked stiffly along the quiet roadside, wanting to buy a bottle of liquor to drown his frustration, but when he reached into his pocket he remembered that even the cheapest bottle cost twenty-five yuan…

He held it in, kept walking, heading in the direction of home.

……

Inside a building somewhere on Tuzha Street.

A Long smoked a cigarette and frowned at Old Ma, “When can I leave?”

“We’re working on it. Soon, just a couple of days.”

“I need to go out before I leave.”

“Stop messing around. They’re turning the whole city upside down looking for you.” Old Ma urged him.

“Once I leave this time, who knows when I’ll be back.” A Long lowered his head, “There’s something I need to take care of. I have to see it through.”