Chapter 26
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Chapter 26: Because Someone Is Already Protecting Me
Boom!
The violent explosion made Su Youwei instinctively cover her head.
Finished.
Her “Perfect Self” had completely disintegrated in the sea of her divine sense, leaving no trace behind. Her effort to visualize her ideal self had failed utterly.
What made Su Youwei feel even worse was that, even though she averted her eyes, the terrifying image of her internal demon lingered in her mind.
It was monstrous.
The demon was composed of raw flesh and blood, its *grotesque body adorned with red bone spurs.
[*comically or repulsively ugly or distorted.]
The “wings” stretching from its back were nothing more than a pile of shattered blades.
Half were as white as snow.
Half were as black as ink.
Half were filled with emptiness.
Half brimmed with murderous intent.
It was difficult to articulate the demon’s madness in precise terms. Perhaps this was the essence of an internal demon—chaos given form.
Su Youwei began to recall her past.
When did I first encounter this monstrous entity?
The answer laid in her previous life.
The moment she fled the Su family, after losing her closest relatives, a hollow void had formed in her heart.
She would wake abruptly from her sleep, gasping for air as though suffocating.
When she awoke, her cheeks would be wet with tears.
To fill that emptiness, she turned to boundless hatred.
She still vividly remembered the first time she plunged a blade into an enemy’s heart.
Blood gushed from the wound like a spring, soaking the enemy’s white robes in crimson.
The enemy collapsed, trembling as their life drained away.
One stab followed another. Flesh tore apart. More and more blood poured out.
Wasn’t that scene eerily similar to the horrific monster standing before me now?
But at that time, as she stared at the bloodied *machete with droplets rolling off its edge, she felt a strange sense of calm and reassurance. For the first time, she believed she had the power to protect herself.
[*a broad blade used either as an agricultural implement similar to an axe, or in combat like a long-bladed knife.]
And then…
As her strength grew, so did the strength of her enemies.
She no longer had the luxury of pondering the future. The world she had desperately wanted to protect had already been torn apart by others. All she could do was make them feel the same pain she endured.
She kept killing.
She used killing to drown her hatred and used blood to *stave off the fear that consumed her heart.
[*avert or delay something bad or dangerous.]
But killing only bred more hatred.
To suppress this hatred, she had to kill even more of those who opposed her.
This must be what they mean by drinking poison to quench thirst.
If she had managed to kill all her enemies in her previous life and then died herself, perhaps her internal demon would never have grown so ferocious.
Su Youwei raised her gaze.
Her internal demon didn’t attack again after shattering her imaginary self.
The two of them stared at each other, separated by the vast expanse of the sea of her divine sense.
They seemed thousands of miles apart, yet Su Youwei felt as though the internal demon was deeply rooted within her. The monstrous form she beheld now was nothing more than her true self reflected in a mirror.
A monster born for killing.
“That’s right.”
The voice rose suddenly—it was Su Youwei’s own, echoing from the depths of her heart.
“Whether you admit it or not, I am you. You are me. We are the same.”
“No.” Su Youwei shook her head. “You’re not even human!”
No human could look so grotesque!
“What you see here is your own heart.”
“My… heart?”
“An ugly heart.”
“Impossible!”
“Nothing is impossible.”
As the voice spoke, the enormous monster’s body began to shrink. Its dazzling spikes dissolved into nothingness as it rapidly diminished.
What stood before Su Youwei now was a petite girl with white hair and red pupils.
She wore an exquisite gown as vivid as fresh blood.
The glaring red hue stung Su Youwei’s eyes.
“I know you prefer me like this,” the girl said, her voice calm but unsettling. “But it’s still just a façade. Look closely—no matter how the appearance changes, the essence remains the same. This gown is dyed in blood.”
Su Youwei clenched her fists tightly.
“In fact, you know,” her internal demon said, its voice echoing like a sinister whisper, “even if you could return to the past before everything happened, you can’t deny what has already occurred. Otherwise, I wouldn’t exist.”
“What if I choose to forget?” Su Youwei asked.
“You can’t forget!”
“…”
“Maybe you haven’t realized it yet,” the demon continued, “but you possess a pair of eyes that can see both the past and the future. Even if you seal those memories temporarily, it won’t be long before they resurface.”
Su Youwei’s voice lowered. “So, if I want to forget all this, does that mean I can only choose death?”
“No. You can choose to accept it all. What you need isn’t denial—it’s to make yourself whole!”
A trace of confusion flickered across Su Youwei’s eyes.
The demon’s words struck a chord.
The internal demon existed because there was a hole in her heart.
If she accepted everything about the demon, wouldn’t that void be filled?
But…
Su Youwei shook her head.
If she embraced the monster, she would lose her humanity. She would no longer deserve to stand by Martial Sister Bai Lian’s side.
The other Su Youwei pressed on. “It’s not so difficult to accept, is it? You should never forget what protected you during those desperate times. If you abandon even that last layer of defense, what will you have left?”
Loneliness.
The word rose unbidden in Su Youwei’s mind.
Under the sunlit sky, she would walk alone, unnoticed and uncared for.
That’s how it should have been—or so her internal demon thought.
But…
“What I will have left,” Su Youwei said decisively, interrupting her other self, “is a life I’ve never experienced!”
It wasn’t polite to cut someone off, but her firm tone, deliberate pacing, and sharp gestures conveyed her point effectively.
“I see,” the internal demon murmured. “You understand…”
Su Youwei’s eyes gleamed. “Now I understand why the ‘Perfect Self’ I imagined didn’t leave even a trace when you shattered it. It wasn’t because you destroyed her—you simply hijacked my false perception to take control! This body isn’t yours. It wasn’t, it isn’t, and it never will be. Your ugliness belongs to you, and I still have the right to choose my own future.”
“What are you trying to say…?”
“I’m saying that your existence may have protected me in the past, but I don’t need you anymore.”
The internal demon fell silent.
After a long pause, it asked, “Why?”
“Because someone is already protecting me!”
As Su Youwei spoke those words, the sorrow on her face faded. In its place bloomed a radiant smile—one as bright and mesmerizing as spring flowers.
Even the internal demon wasn’t immune. Its twisted heart pounded like a war drum.
It reared its monstrous head from the edges of the sea of her divine sense, watching as the other self it had conjured crumbled like a sand sculpture under the tide.
“Who?” the demon demanded hoarsely.
Su Youwei smiled shyly. “You already know who.”
“Then she will become your new internal demon.”
“I don’t think so,” Su Youwei replied. “I’d rather fill the hole in my heart with warmth than with a cold, bloodthirsty monster like you.”
What a bold declaration.
The internal demon fell into another bout of silence.
“Let me see, then,” it growled.
Suddenly, a burst of black light surged forth like a flood, threatening to engulf Su Youwei’s sea of divine sense.
But she didn’t flinch.
Instead, she closed her eyes slowly.
In her mind, Elder Martial Sister Bai Lian’s voice and smile came to life—every detail, from her flowing hair to her rounded toes.
When Su Youwei opened her eyes again, the image of “Martial Sister Bai Lian” stood before her, glowing with quiet strength.
Facing the overwhelming presence of the internal demon, “Martial Sister Bai Lian” charged forward without hesitation.
Boom!
Blinding light scattered across the sea of her divine sense.
When the chaos subsided, the sea had returned to its tranquil state.
The imagined “Martial Sister Bai Lian” had vanished, but so had the surging black light.
The internal demon’s voice broke the silence. “Is this the person who protects you? I see nothing special about her.”
Su Youwei shook her head. “You’ll understand one day.”
The reason her imagined “Martial Sister Bai Lian” couldn’t completely defeat the demon wasn’t that Bai Lian hadn’t protected her—it was because Su Youwei didn’t yet fully understand Bai Lian.
Her lack of clarity made the “Bai Lian” in her heart incomplete.
For instance, she had only managed to recreate Bai Lian’s right foot.
Internal demon, you’d better prepare yourself. Once I understand Martial Sister Bai Lian fully, you won’t stand a chance!
As for whether Bai Lian would ever become her new internal demon…
She chuckled softly.
I’m Bai Lian’s Martial sister now. What else matters?
