Chapter 333
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Chapter 333: If I Had Never Seen the Light
From the moment we are born, we begin comparing ourselves to others.
We compare ourselves to the children of other families, to our peers, to our classmates, to alumni, to countless unfamiliar faces.
Every test ranking, every online competition, every sports event, all exist within this cycle of comparison.
Within each person lies a desire to win.
If one could win continuously, confidence would naturally build.
But what if one always loses? Where does confidence come from then?
One day, a middle-aged unemployed man, intoxicated, stumbles through the streets. He looks back at his life and finds it utterly miserable.
His family, marriage, and career have all failed. As he turns a corner, he sees another version of himself.
This other self, shining brightly, full of vitality, a version from twenty years ago, more successful than he ever imagined.
He walked a better path—finding success in both career and love—regaining the energy he once had.
He was nothing like the man now, with sunken eyes and a weary spirit.
The middle-aged man ponders deeply.
The only difference, he realizes, is luck.
The other version of himself simply encountered someone who brought them luck.
But there was no fundamental difference between them.
Back then, what would the middle-aged man have thought, looking at that younger version of himself?
He would have thought, “Why isn’t it me?”
“When I see you happy, able to smile without a trace of sadness, it makes me sick to my stomach.”
“I am not noble, in these aspects, I am just like you.”
“You used to be a timid, shy girl, hiding your thoughts, never daring to speak them. Perhaps there was jealousy in your heart, but you still had to smile on the outside.”
“Even if you’ve changed now—become cheerful, open—you shouldn’t forget how you once were…”
“Kuya,” Jiumi whispered.
“Actually, from the start, I really liked you, and your transformation.”
“But after hearing the story you told, I couldn’t help but…”
“Even your changes are the result of others… Just hearing that makes my stomach turn.”
“Why?”
“Hokusinn Kichyō, tell me, why have you overcome all disasters, unharmed?”
“Why, when you were lost and helpless, did someone lend you a shoulder and stand by you?”
“Why, when you were estranged from your father, did you reconcile and win the approval of the entire Hokusinn clan?”
“Why is it that you have someone who loves you, and they would risk their life to search for you?”
“In my mind, there is no room for anything but these questions.”
“Why? Why?”
“Why you? Why not me?”
“You can avoid all hardships, live in beauty, taken care of by Bai Wei, while I endure everything.”
“I had to lose my appearance, my name, my identity, abandon my humanity—all alone, betrayed, left to live in solitude.”
“But where is my savior?”
“Why are you favored by fate? What did I do wrong to deserve nothing?”
“I don’t understand, I truly… don’t understand.”
Her voice was filled with pain, like a cuckoo crying bloody tears, hoarse and mournful.
“No one could answer me.”
She laughed bitterly, blood trickling from the corners of her eyes like two streams of blood tears.
“So, I decided to stop searching for answers.”
“I just want one outcome now.”
“I won’t help you. Between you and me, there can only be one.”
Her jealousy was raw, so vivid in her words, each one a confession of her heart.
“I wish I could make you experience the pain I’ve been through. I want you to suffer, be twisted into something uglier, more miserable than me!”
“Only then… can I find some comfort.”
Malice boiled inside her, a pitch-black abyss consuming her heart, leaving nothing behind.
She didn’t know what to direct her fury at—the unfair fate, or the future savior.
In the end, she chose to raise the blade against her past self.
Hokusinn Kichyō couldn’t fully empathize, but these words shook her soul with fear.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was the absurd twist of fate that had brought them together.
“Sorry,” she murmured again.
“Sorry? What’s the point?” Kuya replied bitterly.
“It’s too late. Too futile. I can’t forgive you, and you don’t need to forgive me. Hatred is all that’s left.”
“It may not change anything, but it would ease my heart a little,” Hokusinn Kichyō said, gripping her Nine-Syllable Blade.
“What you’ve said made me realize how much goodness I’ve received. I’ve been so lucky. My savior is waiting for me to return.”
“That’s why I can’t die here. And I can’t accept your hatred.”
She raised the blade, her eyes filled with regret and sadness, but more than anything, determination.
The battle of life and death began. Only one of them could survive.
Kuya drew her sword, slipping it into an invisible scabbard.
This was the stance of Iai, the swiftest sword technique, a move not found in Hokusinn Itto-ryu’s secret teachings.
Its simplicity and speed made it unpredictable.
As she took the Iai stance, the wind in the space seemed to fade, leaving only the soft murmur of a mountain spring.
Her aura of murderous intent filled the air, like a web of death.
For twenty years, Hokusinn Kichyō had been manipulated by the Hundred Demons Party.
She had become both human and divine, experiencing countless battles.
But now, this aggression and chill pierced through her heart like a freezing blade.
Her once vibrant blue energy turned somber, like icy water.
Hokusinn Kichyō’s face changed.
She couldn’t handle the Iai attack, and instinctively took a step back.
That moment of hesitation meant the perfect opportunity to strike.
Kuya transformed into a phantom, her blade moving with blinding speed.
Iai is a self-sacrificial technique, a strike that must decide the outcome in an instant.
Suddenly, the earth and sky trembled violently.
Golden energy surged from nearby mountains, crashing against the rocks.
The tremor shifted the balance.
Kuya’s foot stomped, causing rocks to crumble beneath her.
Though her blade moved with incredible speed, she missed the fatal blow.
Instead, she grazed Hokusinn Kichyō’s cheek, while Hokusinn’s strike pierced into Kuya’s chest.
The twist of fate—Hokusinn Kichyō’s position made her less affected by the tremor.
It halted the confrontation, allowing a brief pause in the battle.
Ding… The wooden sword slipped from Kuya’s hands.
She let go, placing her hands on Hokusinn Kichyō’s arm.
Warmth seeped from her wound, and her chin rested on Hokusinn Kichyō’s shoulder.
Her voice was soft, “The result… he saved you again.”
“The savior is yours. He will never favor me.”
Hokusinn Kichyō embraced her tightly, her lips trembling.
“Did you… decide to die a long time ago?”
Kuya had given her too many hints—her questions, the plants, the bowl of soup.
It was all leading Hokusinn Kichyō to doubt, to understand the truth.
“These things don’t matter anymore. The jealousy is real, the hatred is real, being a monster is real, wanting to kill you is real—all of it is real.”
“But I can’t do it, so I will die. You will live.”
Her face grew paler, but her expression softened, a calmness settling in.
Her gaze turned silent, with a hint of contentment.
“Don’t you think… this is too cruel to me?” Hokusinn Kichyō’s voice quivered.
“This is the ending you deserve. You can’t… cough, cough…”
Kuya coughed up blood, then smiled weakly.
“What’s good, you took it all. This is my… small revenge.”
“You can take more time to seek revenge on me,” Hokusinn Kichyō said tearfully.
“Is this enough?”
She could no longer hold herself up, her body leaning against Kichyō’s shoulder.
“If life had only one more day…”
“It was the most beautiful day I had in twenty years.”
“I once held hands with my loved ones, walked through streets, shared meals, confided in my family, even argued and fought. But in the end, we always reconciled.”
Kuya closed her eyes gently, curling her lips in a soft smile.
“I have… found happiness…”
The blue and white shrine maiden ceased to breathe, resting peacefully in her final embrace.
If life had only one day left…
