Chapter 333

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Chapter 333: If I Had Never Seen the Light

From the moment we come into the world, we begin comparing ourselves with others.

Comparing myself with children from other families, with peers, with classmates, with alumni, with countless unfamiliar faces.

Every test ranking, every online competition, every sports activity, happened within this kind of competition.

In every person, there exists a desire to win.

If one could keep winning all the time, confidence would accumulate in this way. But if one kept losing all the time, where would confidence come from?

If one day, a middle-aged unemployed drunkard walked through the streets, looking back at his life, he found it to be terribly miserable. His family, marriage, and career were all complete failures. As he passed a corner, he saw another version of himself. This other self was shining brightly and radiantly, like a star. It was his younger self from twenty years ago, who was even more successful than he was back then.

He had achieved many successes that he had never even imagined. Step by step, he walked on a better path, not only finding great success in career and love, but also regaining his vitality and energy. He was completely different from the middle-aged man with sunken eyes and lack of spirit.

The middle-aged man pondered deeply, and in the end, he realized that the only difference between them was simply a result of luck.

Simply because the other person had encountered someone who could bring them luck, there remained no fundamental difference between them.

Back then, what would the middle-aged man think as he looked at another version of himself from twenty years ago?

He would surely think, "Why isn’t it me?"

…

"When I see you happy and able to smile without a trace of sadness, I feel sick to my stomach."

"I am not such a noble person, in these aspects, I am exactly like you."

"You used to be a timid and shy little girl, always keeping your thoughts to yourself, never daring to speak these words out loud. Perhaps there was a twisted jealousy in your heart, but you still had to show a smile on the surface."

"Even if you have changed now, become cheerful, become candid, you should not forget how you used to be…"

"Kuya," whispered Jiumi.

"Actually, from the start, I really liked you and your transformation."

"But when I finished listening to the story you told, I couldn’t help but…"

"Even your own changes are a result of others… Just hearing these words made my stomach feel sour."

"Why?"

"Hokusinn Kichyō, you tell me, why can you safely and unharmed overcome all the disasters and challenges?"

"Why is it, when you are lost and helpless, someone is there to lend you a shoulder and stand by your side?"

"Why, are you able to reconcile with your father, chase after your mother’s back and gain the approval of the entire Hokusinn clan!"

"Why is it that you can have someone you like, and they are willing to search for your traces even at the risk of their own life?"

"In my mind, there is no room for other thoughts, only these questioning voices remain."

"Why? Why?"

"Why you? Why not me?"

"You can avoid all difficulties, enjoying all the beauty, being taken care of attentively by Bai Wei; while I must endure all hardships."

"I was forced to lose my appearance, abandon my name, give up my identity, discard my position as a person, all alone, betrayed by others, spending my days in loneliness."

"But where is my savior?"

"Where are you better than me, that fate has favored you? And what did I do wrong, that I can’t get anything?"

"I don’t understand, I really… don’t understand."

Her voice questioned, like a cuckoo shedding bloody tears, like a hoarse and mournful cry.

"No one could give me the answer."

She laughed bitterly, under the crimson moonlight, blood trickling down from the corners of her eyes, like two streams of blood tears.

"So, I decided not to pursue the reasons anymore."

"I just want one outcome now."

"I won’t help you; between you and me, there can only be one."

Her jealousy was evident, it was so vividly expressed that every word and every sentence felt like a heartfelt confession.

"I really wish I could make you doubly experience the things I have gone through, endure even more painful and miserable fates, be devastated, tortured, and twisted into even uglier and more wretched monsters than me!"

"Only like this… can I feel a little comfort."

Boiling malice, a pitch-black abyss, her heart had been consumed by these emotions, leaving nothing behind.

She didn’t even know what to vent her frustrations on – the unfair fate or the yet-to-come savior.

In the end, she chose to lift the blade against her past self.

Hokusinn Kichyō couldn’t fully empathize, but these words also made her soul tremble with fear.

It wasn’t her fault, nor was it his, it was the absurd twist of fate that brought them together.

"Sorry," she said once again.

"Apologies, what’s the point?" Kuya said. "It’s too late, too futile. I can’t forgive you, nor do you need to forgive me. Hatred is all that’s needed."

"It may not make a difference, but it would ease my heart a little, because I cannot die here," Hokusinn Kichyō said. Bracing the Nine-Syllable Blade, she continued, "What you just said made me realize how much goodness I have received, how incredibly lucky I have been. My savior is also waiting for me to return. Therefore, I cannot die here, nor can I accept your hatred."

She raised the blade, her eyes filled with regret and sadness, but more than anything, determination.

From this very moment, the battle of life and death commenced. Only one of them could survive.

Kuya sheathed her blade at her left hip, disappearing it into an invisible scabbard. This was the stance of Iai, the swiftest sword technique. It was a move that didn’t exist in the Hokusinn Itto-ryu’s secret teachings. Because of its simplicity and speed, there was no need to worry about being anticipated or predicted.

As she assumed the Iai stance, the sound of the wind in the entire space seemed to fade away, leaving only the gentle murmurs of a mountain spring. Amidst the tranquility, there was a hint of clamor. Her aura of murderous intent pervaded, like an impenetrable web.

For twenty years, Hokusinn Kichyō had been manipulated by the Hundred Demons Party. Perhaps she had truly experienced countless battles, some may say she was both human and divine, but she had long become a member of the supernatural beings. This aggression and chill pierced through Hokusinn Kichyō’s heart like a freezing blade, transforming her once vibrant blue water deity energy into a somber icy hue.

Hokusinn Kichyō’s face changed dramatically. She couldn’t handle this move because the Iai attack had a limited range. So, she had the urge to step back and instinctively moved an inch backwards. With her heel shifting backwards, it was clearly not a motion of gathering strength, but an intention to retreat.

When this intention appeared, it already meant that she lacked the confidence to take on this strike. Therefore, it was the perfect opportunity to strike.

The sword was drawn in an Iai stance.

Kuya transformed into a phantom, her figure blending into the mystical flow of water. The blade shimmered with incredible speed.

Iaido is a self-sacrificial sword technique, from start to finish there is only one strike, without a follow-up strike, because the outcome must be decided in the blink of an eye, with only one chance.

Within this move, the outcome will be determined, deciding life and death.

Hokusinn Kichyō could only interrupt the opponent’s attack. Before using Iaido, if she didn’t seize the opportunity to strike and chose to defend instead, staying in one place would only mean waiting for a merciless slaughter.

At that moment, suddenly the earth and sky trembled violently. Between several nearby mountain peaks, a surge of golden energy poured forth, crashing against the mountainside. This collision caused a ripple effect, making the very foundation of the mountain unstable, causing it to sway.

Kuya’s foot stamped fiercely, causing the rocks to crumble beneath her. She lost her balance, though her blade still moved with incredible speed. However, she missed the fatal blow and only grazed Hokusinn Kichyō’s cheek. Meanwhile, Hokusinn Kichyō’s interception strike had already pierced into Kuya’s chest.

Because of Hokusinn Kichyō’s stance, her sword was aimed high, and she stood still without counterattacking. Therefore, the impact of the tremor was not as intense as it was for Kuya, who was in the midst of performing a strike. This twist of fate put an unexpected pause to this showdown.

*Ding… The wooden sword slipped from Kuya’s hands, and she let go, placing both hands on Hokusinn Kichyō’s arm. Warmth slowly seeped out from the wound in her chest, and her chin rested upon her opponent’s shoulder. Her voice was soft.*

"Result, he saved you again."

"The savior is yours… It is impossible for him to show favor towards me."

Hokusinn Kichyō tightly embraced her, her lips trembling.

"Did you actually…decide to die a long time ago?"

Kuya had given her too many hints, whether it was questioning her own past, intentionally leaving behind plants of Kuya and rosemary, or the bowl of meat soup she made last night… It was all telling Hokusinn Kichyō that Kuya was herself, to make her doubt, to reach a conclusion.

"These things don’t matter anymore. What I said, the jealousy is real, the hatred is real, being a monster is real, committing evil acts is real, wanting to kill you is real, all of it is real. But I can’t do it, so I will die, and you will live." Her lips and face grew paler, but her expression gradually became calm. Her gaze returned to its silent state, and there was even a hint of relaxed contentment.

"Don’t you think…this is too cruel to me?" Hokusinn Kichyō’s voice took on a deep nasal tone.

"This is the ending you deserve, you can’t… cough cough…" She coughed up a bloody color, then smiled and said, "What’s good, you took it all, this is my… small revenge."

"You can take more time to seek revenge on me," Kichyō said tearfully, "Is this enough then?"

She could no longer hold herself up, and her body weight leaned on Kichyō’s shoulder.

"If life had only one more day…"

"It was the most beautiful day I had ever experienced in these twenty years."

"I used to hold hands with my loved ones and stroll through streets and alleys, tasting delicious food. I would talk and have fun with newly made friends, and I would confide secrets to my family, even getting into arguments and physical fights. However, in the end, we always managed to reconcile."

Kuya gently closed her eyes and curled up her lips, saying, "I have… found happiness…"

The blue and white shrine maiden ceased her breath, peacefully resting in the embrace of her last loved one.

If life had only one day left…