Chapter 248
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Chapter 248: Dream on
Love and hate are antonyms and synonyms.
After witnessing the ending of this life, Bai Wei woke up from his dream.
The inner shock and impact lingered for a long time.
“This ending…”
If the previously fabricated story had a decent ending, then this ending was pure regret intertwined with love and hate.
The former at least had a brief resolution, despite the separation and regrets, it was only love and parting.
The latter, not even a trace of resolution existed, the two people who loved each other became enemies, even until their last breath, there was no resolution.
Love and hatred have become tangled and indistinguishable.
Bai Wei forced a bitter smile, “This is fitting.”
Neither of them were innocent, they were both too greedy and too focused on what they possessed, they didn’t know how to compromise when necessary.
Therefore, these stubborn individuals tortured each other for a lifetime.
“Learn from the past to guide the future…”
Bai Wei couldn’t help but think of the emperor’s ways during his time, it seemed that his choices were no different, both unable to accommodate personal love amidst national affairs.
It’s just that the emperor was more ruthless than Crouching Tiger, Golden Power almost suppressed all emotions and he didn’t have a childhood sweetheart like Liu Xiaowan .
He used almost everyone as pawns, feeling his own hypocrisy, although he felt pain for sacrifice and dedication, he would not choose to stop.
For the great affairs he had set for the country, his disciples were his blades, although he cherished these blades greatly, although these blades might break, they had to be unsheathed when necessary, otherwise the meaning of their existence would be lost.
The mentor and the emperor were one and the same, essentially both being utterly heartless.
Crouching Tiger was unable to become completely heartless, his compassion and sympathy for the people were the driving force in his heart, his homesickness and his love for Xiaowan were also part of it, so he couldn’t be heartless.
Therefore, the emperor and the mentor would not be torn apart by such a two-way choice, unlike Crouching Tiger.
Steel will is not the transformation of Chuxuan.
Golden Power, on the other hand, could even banish the side effects of emotions.
Thinking about it, Bai Wei felt that he had made some progress. If in the 99th life he still made the same mistake for the 21st time, that would be a waste of life.
He returned to the origin of the dream.
Once again, he saw a familiar figure, but that person was no longer an old woman, but a city-toppling woman with white hair and red clothes.
She sat under the willow tree, tilting her head back to drink, her long hair flowing down her shoulders, and red butterflies danced around her red clothes.
Bai Wei stopped in his tracks, “So you really are Xiaowan …”
“Did I ever say I’m not? It’s just that compared to the past Liu Xiaowan , I have taken on another identity.”
“The Demon Kingdom Empress?” Bai Wei raised an eyebrow, “Doesn’t quite suit you.”
“I feel the same way, so I won’t put on airs anymore.” She exhaled with the smell of alcohol: “Your complexion looks better than I imagined.”
“After all, I have gone through a lot. I can’t say it’s been ups and downs, but I have suffered a lot.” Bai Wei shook his head and said, “Not a hero at all.”
“You have a heroic nature deep down.” Xiaowan tilted her head, a few strands of hair fell on her lips, and she bit them. “I hate and love that about you.”
“Heroism?” Bai Wei chuckled self-deprecatingly. “A hero who can’t even protect a girl? The story makes sense, but there are some inconsistencies.”
“What you saw were just fragments of my memories, not wooden ones,” Xiaowan said softly. “If you blame him for that, it’s unnecessary. His biggest and only mistake was keeping me alive.”
“Don’t you blame him for not fulfilling his promise?”
“He is just a piece of wood, not the invincible and all-powerful hero. He is just a person who took seven years to barely secure Crouching Tiger’s position. Do you really think he has the ability to fight against the entire court? Can he clear the name of Yuyu? It’s impossible… Even if he has the intention, he can’t do it. He used up all his energy just to secure a place for himself, not to mention fighting against demons and monsters.” Xiaowan showed no resentment, but instead, her words showed concern. “If he can’t even protect himself, how can he protect me?”
“This is his… and my incompetence.” Bai Wei’s face was as calm as water as he judged himself.
“In that era, human life was not valued. Men aspired to rule the world, and women had no status outside of the family. I was just a girl in a remote village far away from the court. I am not a princess, who would take notice of me? People like him are rare… Sometimes, I even wonder if the outcome would be better if he didn’t respect me so much and instead married multiple wives openly like other men.”
“Would you accept that?”
“Maybe, maybe not. But if he does it, he won’t be a piece of wood anymore.” Xiaowan lightly twirled her hair with her nails. “We have tormented each other for a lifetime. Perhaps I am not the most miserable. The more miserable ones are those women who waited for him their whole lives, but never received an answer. Isn’t that pitiful? But that’s what it means to be a woman in this era. Either give up love and marry someone you don’t love or hold onto love and live in despair.”
Bai Wei sighed, “I don’t understand. You don’t resent the person you should resent the most.”
“That’s because you are you, and I am me. Of course, you wouldn’t understand how I think. I am a woman, and in that environment, the biggest thing in my life is to marry a good family and support my husband and children. That’s all.”
“He cares about me, but others may not know. He is not the type of person who can express love verbally, let alone being in a dangerous situation. This would bring endless danger to his hometown. Others who know the situation would not believe that Uncle Liu cares about a woman he has only visited four times in seven years since they separated.”
“Even if they knew, would they think… Ah, wouldn’t it be better if such a woman disappeared?”
“To avoid delaying their great nation-building cause!”
Xiaowan said, her voice deep and full of killing intent.
She said, “In the land of heroes, there is no need for a gentle wife for a great man.”
Bai Wei asked, “So what about the letters back then…”
“Who knows?” Xiaowan shook her head. “I don’t know if they were true or false. But once I think about these things, I understand that his helplessness is not his fault. I shouldn’t hate him in regards to these matters… I hate him because he rejected me, again and again, until I had no choice but to become a monster.”
Bai Wei felt the conflict in values. There was a gap between modern and ancient people’s values.
So Uncle Liu could cold-heartedly kill his beloved for his country, but he couldn’t do the same.
A great man doesn’t need a wife?
A wife is not the same as a beloved.
Marriage is for continuing the family line. Otherwise, a family only becomes a burden for a man with great ambitions.
The more Liu Xiaowan wanted Wood to stay in their hometown, the more taboo she was committing, a wrongdoing that was considered against divine law. In the land of heroes, there is no room for such actions.
Bai Wei understood. Between him and Liu Xiaowan, apart from the separation caused by their country and personal conflicts, there was also a layer of feudal ethics that consumed people.
It’s still a product of the times.
“So, I have always felt that we were just one step away from happiness, but it was all an illusion.” Bai Wei said, “Originally, it was only guilt that caused me to miss out, but it gradually turned into an irreversible outcome.”
“Yes, we missed it, just by one step.” Liu Xiaowan said softly, “This is the result of joys and sorrows, so I am here… I am here to fulfill the promise I made in my past life. I thought I would need more time to make you accept this story.”
Bai Wei gazed at the beautiful woman and asked, “Are you wondering why I accepted it so quickly?”
“Chao Lu’s reaction is the most natural, so it is necessary for me to talk to her because she will resist me, resist my memories, my emotions, and my obsession.” Xiaowan said, “But it doesn’t really matter, we are actually the same person. Each person is born as a cup of water, memories and experiences are like sugar added to the water, in the end, it becomes a cup of sugary water. Reincarnation just distills the water, but it is still the same cup of water.”
“She is water, and you are the sugar filtered out from the past cup of sugary water.” Bai Wei said, “She is not sugary water, but salty water. If you add sugar to it, the taste will naturally deteriorate.”
Xiaowan smiled and said, “A good analogy, but you’ve misunderstood the basic concept of reincarnation.”
“What do you mean?”
“I am not a specific personality, and I am definitely not heroic spirits.” She raised her hand and a butterfly landed on her fingertip. “I am just a memory, Liu Xiaowan is already dead, no longer exists. She left me behind, hoping to fulfill her final promise.”
Bai Wei remained silent.
He asked, “Can I pretend that nothing happened?”
Xiaowan smiled enchantingly, “Do you think you can escape?”
Bai Wei denied, “I am not Crouching Tiger, the steel straight man.”
“But he is you, a part of you,” Xiaowan said with conviction. “It’s incredible, I clearly see the memories of the past, yet they have no effect on me. Instead, I can accept the fragments of memories calmly. This can only prove that… your personality has always been consistent, never deviating. So you are him, the person I love. Did I say anything wrong?”
Bai Wei sighed, neither confirming nor denying. “What’s the point of saying all this? Do you want to torture each other?”
“That’s not my decision. Why don’t you go ask Chao Lu?” Xiaowan suggested.
“I have no connection with her now, there’s nothing to say.”
“But there will be a connection in the future. I am her past, but not her future.”
“Do you want me to help her?”
“Big guy, you’re already helping her by letting her see me,” the woman’s long hair fluttered in the wind. “You’ve helped once, still hesitant about helping a few more times?”
“She’s rushing back to the Ten Thousand Demon Kingdom to die,” Bai Wei said, annoyed.
“Then send her back,” Xiaowan smiled lightly, “Just like back then when I couldn’t keep you, now you can’t keep her.”
“And then wait for her to die in her homeland?”
“No… when necessary, I will take over,” she explained.
“What?” Bai Wei asked.
“I’ve said it, she and I are destined to become a complete ‘me.’ Every time she approaches death, she gets closer to me, and I get closer to her. Eventually, we will merge inside and out,” Xiaowan expressed her expectation. “When that time comes…”
“Liu Xiaowan will be resurrected.”
“There is no Liu Xiaowan, only Chao Lu. Let the former become completely past, but we will still hold the future in our hands.”
Xiaowan’s fingers clasped a willow branch, and her palm inexplicably oozed blood, dripping onto her dress.
The butterflies scattered as her breath became hot and fiery.
“It’s truly exciting, when that time comes, I will definitely be different, but the promise won’t be forgotten.”
“No matter how long it takes, I will come back to find you.”
“What I couldn’t do in the previous life, in this life…”
Bai Wei cut in decisively, “You still won’t be able to do it either!”
“I like your rejection and stubbornness, better than before, the previous wooden person didn’t resist like this.” Xiaowan revealed a playful look, her voice light and dangerous: “I really want to cut off your limbs and take you away.”
Bai Wei remained silent, his corner of the eye twitching.
The woman let go of her hand, instantly transforming from a mad empress into a girl next door: “But don’t worry, I can’t do it now, even if I want to. In the future, I may not be able to. Chao Lu is still a kind girl, isn’t she?”
Bai Wei was astonished: “Are you threatening me?”
“I’m not, I’m just advising you to take good care of her.” Xiaowan smiled gently: “Don’t let her get hurt, especially her heart. Pay close attention and don’t let her fall into despair.”
“Otherwise, when her country is destroyed and her family is gone, when she falls into the abyss of despair, the deeper her hatred, the closer it is to my hatred. It means extreme danger. Even if I have reached that point, I cannot guarantee whether she will be more dangerous than me.”
Bai Wei complained: “It’s easy for you to say. Are you asking me to fight a whole country on my own?”
“Can’t you do it?” Xiaowan blinked: “But I think you can.”
“It’s easy for you to say. Some things are just impossible.”
“For the sake of the world, it’s possible, but for me, it’s not?” She sneered: “What kind of reasoning is that?”
“You have no idea how chaotic the internal affairs of the Ten Thousand Demon Kingdom are.”
“That’s your problem.” Xiaowan unreasonably said: “If you don’t want to see a Chao Lu scarier than Liu Xiaowan , you can only choose to help her at any cost. Because someone who has lost everything is so terrifying. You’ve already experienced it once, do you want to experience it a second time?”
Bai Wei had already let go of the keyboard and mouse with both hands, and he sighed deeply in exhaustion: “It’s torture.”
“It’s your fault.” She approached quietly, reached out and hugged the young man, tiptoed, lightly rubbing their ears together: “It’s because of you that I became like this. You didn’t make a choice, and you left me with no choice. The cause of the previous life becomes the consequence of this life.”
Bai Wei couldn’t refuse her embrace, and reluctantly responded: “I’ll try my best… I hope when we meet again, you won’t have white hair.”
The woman smiled and said: “Dream on.”
The dream ended, and the obsession faded away.
It’s another cycle of cause and effect… as it should be.
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