Chapter 14
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Liu Cheng, who could normally hold his liquor well, ended up opening several more bottles that night. It was a textbook case of drowning one’s sorrows in alcohol, proving the adage that those who seek to get drunk often fail to do so. It wasn’t until dawn that Liu Cheng, still painfully sober, finally managed to doze off lightly in his bed.
He awoke just a few hours later. Today was Saturday—Sun Chen had clearly chosen Friday night to open the wine, being mindful of Liu Cheng’s work schedule. Ever since they had been together, Liu Cheng had made countless plans for their weekends. Today, they were supposed to go to the hot springs. Sun Chen had been looking forward to it; although he wasn’t someone who easily displayed his feelings, Liu Cheng had noticed how much effort Sun Chen had put into researching the perfect swim trunks online and preparing for the trip.
So, at the very least, Liu Cheng decided they should go to the hot springs as planned today.
He wasn’t sure if he was just making excuses. A voice in his head kept telling him that he should come clean to Sun Chen. He truly wanted to do it because he knew he would be in agony until he did. However, even though he knew this, he still couldn’t bring himself to say it. He knew this was all an illusion, but without it, he would be left to die in the desert of despair.
The alcohol that had failed to take effect the previous night was now making its presence known with a throbbing headache. Liu Cheng rubbed his face vigorously with both hands, deciding that he needed to pull himself together and make the best of today.
After washing up, Liu Cheng went to the living room and found Sun Chen already there, breakfast prepared, waiting for him at the table. However, in Sun Chen’s hand was the accident report that Gu Qingqiu had given Liu Cheng the previous night.
Liu Cheng had left the report out after failing to find an opportunity to get Sun Chen to sign it the night before. Normally, Sun Chen wouldn’t touch Liu Cheng’s work documents, but this one had Sun Chen’s name prominently displayed on the first page.
“You never told me that I was the executive producer of Survive Here?” Sun Chen asked, holding the document.
Before he could think, Liu Cheng instinctively lied, as he had become so accustomed to doing: “Well, it’s partly my fault you lost that position, so I didn’t dare tell you. Xiao Chen, please don’t be mad.”
Sun Chen looked down and continued flipping through the document. “But it seems I’m still listed as the executive producer? And it looks like they still need my signature on this. Did you bring this back so I could sign it?”
When Liu Cheng had promised to help Gu Qingqiu get Sun Chen’s signature, he hadn’t anticipated it would be this straightforward. He hadn’t even had a chance to think about how to explain this to Sun Chen, but now Sun Chen had already reached the conclusion.
“This isn’t your responsibility, but signing this won’t really affect you…” Liu Cheng was so focused on avoiding another crisis that he completely missed Sun Chen’s change in demeanor.
“Alright, then I’ll sign it for you.” Sun Chen’s voice was devoid of emotion. A signature pen was already placed beside him. He picked it up and quickly signed his name.
It was only then that Liu Cheng noticed something was off about Sun Chen’s calm demeanor. Puzzled, he took the signed document from Sun Chen, unsure of what to make of the situation.
Sun Chen spoke again: “So, what else do you want?”
Liu Cheng was confused. “What?”
“I’ve given you the signature you wanted, but that wasn’t your original intention, was it? When you lied and told me we were lovers, the accident hadn’t happened yet. You couldn’t have predicted it, so what were you really after?”
Liu Cheng’s heart sank.
He had feared this situation—he had even had nightmares about Sun Chen regaining his memory—but no amount of preparation could help him now. He was completely at a loss, faced with Sun Chen’s quiet revelation.
“Give this document to Gu Qingqiu,” Sun Chen said, not waiting for Liu Cheng’s response. His tone carried a hint of impatience as he stood up.
“Wait, Xiao Chen—” Liu Cheng hurriedly stood up as well.
Hearing his name, Sun Chen paused mid-step, turning to face Liu Cheng. But before Liu Cheng could say anything, Sun Chen asked first, “Are you staying loyal to Gu Qingqiu? Is that why no matter how hard I try, you still won’t sleep with me?”
Liu Cheng couldn’t comprehend what Sun Chen was talking about. Instinctively, he reached out and grabbed Sun Chen as he tried to walk away.
“Xiao Chen…”
“Let go.” Sun Chen’s voice was tense and cold.
Liu Cheng wanted to respect Sun Chen’s wishes in everything, but this was the one thing he couldn’t do.
Sun Chen had to pry Liu Cheng’s fingers off him. “The show is Gu Qingqiu’s, you belong to Gu Qingqiu, and now I’ve taken the blame for the accident. What more do you want from me?”
Liu Cheng’s confused mind couldn’t grasp what Sun Chen was thinking. All he could say was, “That’s not true.” But he didn’t know what exactly wasn’t true. “Please, Xiao Chen, give me a chance to explain.”
“What good would explaining do? I wouldn’t believe you anyway, so why waste time listening?”
“This has nothing to do with Gu Qingqiu…”
“Don’t worry, I won’t blame him, nor will I seek revenge. You don’t need to clear his name for him.”
“Xiao Chen, that’s not what I mean…”
“Let go.” Sun Chen repeated, his voice trembling as he tried to free himself from Liu Cheng’s grasp.
In the next second, Liu Cheng watched as tears slid down from the corners of Sun Chen’s eyes. In all the nightmares he had about Sun Chen regaining his memory, he had never once imagined seeing him cry.
It wasn’t that Sun Chen was particularly strong, but rather that he had always had a low emotional sensitivity, and when he did feel something, he rarely showed it. To make Sun Chen cry—it must have taken an overwhelming wave of emotions.
Liu Cheng instinctively let go. Words clogged his throat, making it hard to breathe.
Freed, Sun Chen quickly moved towards the door. He wiped his face as he put distance between them and then glanced back at Liu Cheng. “Don’t pretend to call me Xiao Chen with affection, and don’t fool yourself into thinking you can keep up this charade. No matter how much I love you, I still have enough self-respect to never let you deceive or use me again.”
“Xiao Chen, I—”
The door slammed shut, cutting off Liu Cheng’s weak protest. He wanted to run after him, but his legs were too weak to support him. All his weight rested on the table as he slowly sank to the floor. The fear he had been suppressing now gripped him fully, bringing with it the most horrifying realization—Sun Chen believed that everything Liu Cheng had done was for Gu Qingqiu. Sun Chen believed that Liu Cheng cared for Gu Qingqiu so much that he would hurt Sun Chen without hesitation. Sun Chen, who had never believed anyone could love him, now thought that Liu Cheng loved Gu Qingqiu so much that he would hurt him without a second thought…
And it was all Liu Cheng’s fault.
Sun Chen had actually given Liu Cheng a chance that morning after regaining his memory. If Liu Cheng hadn’t pushed him to sign that document…
But in the end, Sun Chen signed his name despite remembering everything.
Sun Chen was right. No matter how much he loved Liu Cheng, he wouldn’t give him a second chance.
Someone who had never been loved, if they hadn’t fought tooth and nail to love themselves, how could they have survived? That’s why Liu Cheng had met a Sun Chen who kept everyone at a distance, someone who never tried to please anyone because he believed he could never be loved.
For Sun Chen to even briefly believe that Liu Cheng genuinely cared for him—he must have taken an enormous risk, because to him, that was an unimaginable anomaly.
And then Liu Cheng ruined everything.
Last night’s candlelit dinner, the wine—it was clear now that Sun Chen had wanted something to happen, but Liu Cheng’s actions had only convinced Sun Chen that Liu Cheng didn’t even want to be intimate with him.
Whether it was Liu Cheng’s intentional mistakes or unintentional ones, they had all pushed Sun Chen back into the narrow, solitary world where only Sun Chen existed.
No! Liu Cheng could accept any punishment, but he couldn’t let Sun Chen truly believe that no one would ever love him!
Liu Cheng suddenly sprang to his feet, but his numb legs caused him to stumble and fall. He grabbed onto the table for support, then, half stumbling, made his way out the door.
He had to go back upstairs to retrieve the car keys he had forgotten in his haste, and then he drove to Sun Chen’s place.
When Liu Cheng arrived at Sun Chen’s building, his repeated attempts to reach Sun Chen were met with silence. With no other options, Liu Cheng continued to ring the doorbell. Fortunately, another resident was coming in, and while Liu Cheng might have looked like a wealthy man, not a criminal, not everyone had a strong sense of caution. The resident let Liu Cheng into the building with ease.
Once inside, Liu Cheng quickly found Sun Chen’s unit. However, before he could even knock, someone made him reconsider his plan.
“Are you looking for Mr. Sun? I’m afraid you just missed him. I saw him leave with some luggage earlier—maybe he’s gone on a business trip or a vacation?” Sun Chen’s neighbor informed Liu Cheng.
Liu Cheng knew for certain that Sun Chen wasn’t on a business trip, so if it was a vacation, it was likely to avoid him. Resigned, Liu Cheng had no choice but to accept the reality.
But no matter what, he had to find Sun Chen!
After a bout of dejection, Liu Cheng’s resolve hardened again. This would be the last thing he did against Sun Chen’s will.
As long as Sun Chen could understand that he wasn’t someone who would never be loved—as long as he could still believe that someone could care for him, Liu Cheng didn’t care how much pain he had to endure in the process.