Chapter 91
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Chapter 91:
Jian Hou followed behind Li Chunzhou, Li Chunzhou didn’t pick him up, but she slowed down quietly and finally stopped in front of a candy vendor.
The candy man in the sunshine had an amber-like color. Li Chunzhou suddenly remembered a long time ago – so long that she couldn’t remember which cycle it was.
Back then, she was wearing a veil, riding out of town, passing by Mi Hongbao on the bridge. She wanted to call out to him, but Mi Hongbao was happily watching the street performers, so Li Chunzhou simply put down her hand that she had just raised and quietly stood by the stone bridge, watching him for a while. She saw Mi Hongbao give a large sum of money to the performer, watched him turn around to buy a candy man, and finally watched him walk away with a light step.
Li Chunzhou muttered, "Fool," and then continued walking forward.
She returned to Spring Flowers Tower in the evening and found Chihong waiting for her at the courtyard gate, holding a familiar candy man in her hand.
Chihong handed her the candy man, saying it was sent by the young heir of the Northern Marquis.
…
Looking back now, it all seems like a very distant memory.
Sugar people have appeared many times in Li Chunzhou’s life, but every time she sees a sugar person, she can’t help but think of her birth parents.
Li Chunzhou turned her head to look in a certain direction.
When she was young, she went back to her mother’s hometown, her grandmother’s house in a remote corner of Shengjing City, while her father was not from Shengjing and she doesn’t know where he is now.
Li Chunzhou walked along the path of memories, actually there were some happy moments in that poor family when she was young. She remembered her father working as a helper for some time, and the employer would provide a meal every night.
In the early dark winter days when there was nothing fun to do, Li Chunzhou went to bed early. She was later awakened by her mother, as her father who went out to work had returned. He took out a tightly wrapped bag of dried fruits from his pocket, didn’t eat any himself, and smiled while offering them to his children and wife.
Li Chunzhou remembered the flickering candlelight in her mother’s eyes at that time, reflecting her bright smile.
Li Chunzhou realized belatedly that her birth parents seemed to have a good relationship. They had too many children, though, by the time she left, her mother had given birth to four sons and two daughters, with Li Chunzhou being the fifth child.
A slightly chilly wind brushed her forehead, making Li Chunzhou suddenly think, maybe if they had only one or two children, they wouldn’t have had such a difficult life, perhaps… they wouldn’t have had to sell her.
Even though they lived in the same city, Li Chunzhou never visited her birth parents and siblings, instinctively avoiding the matter. If she saw they were doing well, she would feel uncomfortable, and if they were not doing well, she wouldn’t be happy.
Li Chunzhou counted in her mind and realized her mother should be around four or five years old now.
Thinking about this, she smiled and felt a wonderful sensation in her heart – "Mother, I will soon meet the young you."
She reached the familiar alley but felt a bit hesitant, not wanting to enter that familiar yet unfamiliar house.
By the roadside, there was a young girl in a pink jacket, riding on an old wooden rocking horse. Suddenly losing balance, she and the horse fell down. Startled, Li Chunzhou was about to help her when the child got up by herself, dusted off her hands, glanced at Li Chunzhou, and then went off to play on her own.
As Li Chunzhou approached, she noticed the girl pouting and shedding tears. Li Chunzhou chuckled, thinking that even at such a young age, the child was already at an age to feel embarrassed.
Li Chunzhou crouched down and asked, "Little sister, is there a child here named ‘Qing San’?"
The little girl with two short braids sniffled, wiped her tears with her sleeve, and looked at Li Chunzhou in confusion, saying, "I am Qing San… Are you looking for me?"
Li Chunzhou paused for a moment, gently supporting the thin body of the little girl in front of her with both hands. Afraid of startling her, Li Chunzhou’s movements were light, just holding onto her dirty yet soft hands, carefully examining Qing San’s face, before smiling and saying, "You are so cute."
Qing San blushed, unsure if it was because of the compliment or Li Chunzhou being too pretty, only able to shyly look at her.
Li Chunzhou daydreamed for a moment and suddenly said, "Do you want to eat or play something? Can I join you?"
Qing San hesitated for a moment, fidgeting with his toes on the ground, shyly said, "Yes, I want to eat Lotus Root Cake from the West Market…"
Li Chunzhou hugged her small, fragile body, lifted her up, and said, "Okay, I’ll take you there."
On the way to the West Market, Qing San was very excited, his round eyes looking around, occasionally touching Li Zhexuan on Li Chunzhou’s shoulder.
Li Chunzhou’s face pressed against Qing San’s chest, unable to describe the feeling in her heart. In the past, snuggling in her mother’s warm and broad embrace brought comfort, but now hugging the small Qing San, Li Chunzhou felt unexpectedly peaceful. She gently said to Qing San, "Qing San, if someone like me takes you away in the future, don’t be too obedient. Be careful of those who might snatch children."
Qing San nodded, not sure if he understood.
Li Chunzhou took her to buy Lotus Root Cake, and many other treats, such as frosted cakes, dried bean cakes, butterfly pastries, and bean porridge. Qing San ate happily, while Li Chunzhou watched her eat.
Actually, Li Chunzhou knew that her mother loved her, but her love came with many limitations because life was too hard and tiring. She had so many children to care for, born into a family that didn’t love her much. After Qing San got married, her maternal family didn’t pay much attention to her. The land and house at home belonged to her brothers.
Li Chunzhou recalled her mother’s life in memory and felt that the happiest time of her life may be childhood now.
When Qing San grows up, she must leave her own home, which doesn’t feel like a home at all in Daliang. Women there only feel like they have a home when they get married. So, Qing San needs to find a new home outside, and then she will have to work hard her whole life for her children and husband.
One is her mother’s home, and one is her husband’s home, but neither feels like her own home.
Li Chunzhou remembers many years ago, when Li Sanchun took her away, her mother didn’t resist. She just kept staring at her with tearful eyes, muttering repeatedly, "My child… my child…"
At that time, Qing San trembled and wanted to give Li Chunzhou the bean seed bracelet on her wrist, but Li Sanchun refused. He didn’t like the material of the bracelet and didn’t want Li Chunzhou to be tied down by it. Since they agreed to sell this child to themselves, Li Chunzhou could only be "Li Chunzhou."
In the first year after coming to Mama Li’s side, Li Chunzhou always got up and went to sit by the street to look at the mountains in the distance. Their new house was only a few streets away from her old home. When Li Chunzhou was young, she thought those streets were very long, with even longer distances beyond them. But now, looking back, it was just a short distance.
Li Chunzhou looked at Qing San, who was happily eating sugar squash, with a look of innocence, and suddenly smiled. She calmly said, "Thank you for being born into this world. It’s because you came first that I could come to this world."
Thank you for giving birth to me, thank you for giving me life. However, the last thing I should do is treat you as my refuge, because you yourself have no fixed place in this world. It’s not your fault.
Qing San had no idea what Li Chunzhou was thinking. She happily ate all kinds of pastries she could only have on special occasions, jumping around joyfully. She reached out her little hand, held the sugar squash, and kept stuffing it into Li Chunzhou’s mouth, watching her eat and giggle. Then, she picked up a pastry, nibbling on it like a little hamster.
Li Chunzhou used to deliberately avoid thinking about her birth parents, comforting herself with the saying "Light kinship is a blessing, repaying karmic debts is the way." But deep down, she still had some unresolved feelings. Now, she suddenly felt a sense of acceptance.
She held Qing San’s hand and whispered to her, "If life gets too hard in the future, you can sell me. I forgive you."
Qing San looked at her with big eyes, confused. Li Chunzhou looked up and saw the candy seller they had bumped into earlier.
Candy seemed to always appear in her life during moments of farewell.
Li Chunzhou softly asked Qing San, "Do you want some candy? I’ll buy it for you."
Carefully, she picked out a candy for Qing San, then bought one for herself. They walked back together slowly, hand in hand. Before saying goodbye, Li Chunzhou suddenly hugged her tightly and kissed her soft cheek.
Qing San blushed, her eyes showing admiration for Li Chunzhou. Shyly, she asked, "Can we meet again in the future?"
Li Chunzhou paused for a moment, tucked Qing San’s stray hair behind her ear, and said with a smile, "Of course."
Then Qing San happily ran home with all kinds of snacks and pastries. Being so young, she thought she had found a sister who looked like a fairy. This sister was exceptionally nice and would buy her lots of delicious treats, unaware that it was actually a silent farewell.
Mother, now I must let go of your hand and move forward.