Chapter 68
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Chapter 68:
Li Chunzhou widened her eyes, feeling very happy, as if she had found a place in Gu Lingfan’s world again.
The two got on a carriage, with Gu Lingfan resting her head against the carriage wall, as Li Chunzhou accompanied her to a mysterious place she mentioned.
Before even pushing the door open, Li Chunzhou already recognized it, looking at Gu Lingfan in astonishment and asking, "Did you buy this place?"
This house was the address where Spring Flowers Tower was first built, and it was also where Li Chunzhou first met Gu Lingfan. It was no different from the other second-rate brothels they used to visit with Mi Hongbao, like the "Qin Feng House", "Tu Liu House", and "Xiang Shan House".
Li Chunzhou couldn’t help but walk inside.
The deserted old mansion’s gate was already broken, faintly revealing the lively scene from years ago. Moss covered the steps, showing the passage of time, and wildflowers stubbornly grew between the worn-out stone bricks.
On a summer afternoon, the sun hung high above the old deserted mansion. Wild grass in the mansion swayed in the wind, as if telling the story of time passing. Sunlight streamed through the cracked windows, shining on the green stone floor. The surrounding walls were weathered and faded, covered with vines and wild grass, as if nature was reclaiming them.
Li Chunzhou walked through like a whirlwind, and ahead was the inner door of the mansion. When she was younger, she used to play with Gu Lingfan in the mansion, and Gu Lingfan would even make bunny rabbits out of dog-tail grass for her.
Suddenly, Li Chunzhou hesitated to open the door, as if as long as she didn’t push it open, the seven or eight-year-old Gu Lingfan would forever be there, smiling and waiting for her.
On this peaceful summer afternoon, time seemed to stand still, giving a sense of tranquility and serenity, evoking a feeling of quiet calm and distance in one’s heart. A gentle breeze rustled through, making the wild grass sway and creating a soft whispering sound. The surroundings of the deserted old mansion were lush and vibrant, with the distant tree shadows swaying, cicadas chirping in the trees, and a peaceful atmosphere lingering in the air. Occasionally, the sound of birds chirping added a touch of vitality to the tranquil ruins.
Gu Lingfan walked up to Li Chunzhou and helped her push open the door.
Li Chunzhou looked at her sideways, Gu Lingfan was still beautiful, just with a hint of weariness.
Looking at the desolate scene inside the inner gate, both of them knew that many things had changed completely.
Qi Leyuan ran around the house happily, as if he was a bear in a honey pot, tasting every kind of grass.
Gu Lingfan suddenly seemed to feel better, her presence was gentle, her gaze at the old mansion in the afternoon sunlight was filled with nostalgia. Her voice flowed gently like a stream, saying, "After I bought this mansion, I didn’t have time to tidy up. I only cleaned up the small room we used to live in, so everything is still the same as before."
Li Chunzhou felt that she must still be nostalgic for the past when she met her enchanting gaze.
Just like herself.
Indeed, the next moment, Gu Lingfan turned her gaze towards her and suddenly said, "Lady Chun… I really miss you. I always think about the times we slept and learned together. I have been keeping an eye on you, but I don’t know if you have someone new by your side, someone who loves you…"
Her honesty came too suddenly, leaving Li Chunzhou feeling a bit bewildered.
She felt like a shy and introverted child, a bit happy and a bit sad as she said, "There are people who like me, but they are not like you."
Li Chunzhou talked about the grievances she had hidden in her heart for a long time, about her relationships with Mi Hongbao and Xu Yanqu, and mentioned the Second Prince. Gu Lingfan listened quietly, and Li Chunzhou stole a glance at her profile as she spoke. After all these years, Gu Lingfan was still beautiful in Li Chunzhou’s eyes, even though she looked tired and worn out now.
Gu Lingfan looked at her quietly and asked her like a big sister, "So, which of these men do you think is better?"
"Can’t I like all of them?" Li Chunzhou blinked her eyes.
Gu Lingfan gently smiled, "…Lady Chun is really quite greedy."
Li Chunzhou chuckled for a while, then stopped smiling, looked ahead lazily, and said, "I don’t want any of them."
She then asked, "What about you, do you regret being with Bi Yuansi now?"
"I regret it, but I’m too scared to admit it."
For someone who lacked love since childhood, admitting to not being loved was more painful than admitting to being deceived.
Gu Lingfan actually understood that Bi Yuansi did have some genuine feelings for her, but people are complex, his little affection was exaggerated by others as love. If Gu Lingfan had been more patient, she would have noticed.
Unfortunately, at that moment, Li Chunzhou joined this year’s Oiran Contest, Gu Lingfan realized that her life was destined to start going downhill, and everyone would gradually forget about her, including Li Chunzhou.
At that moment, she got lost in desire and was too panicked to see through Bi Yuansi’s obvious lies.
Gu Lingfan also wondered if she hadn’t ignored Li Chunzhou before, would she not have gone down the wrong path, and would Li Chunzhou have had a better impression of her…?
But she quickly rejected this idea – if she hadn’t done that, she would have become insignificant in Li Chunzhou’s life even earlier.
From the first time she saw the Second Prince holding Li Chunzhou and leaving, Gu Lingfan gradually realized how powerful can be, but being a woman, she could never give Li Chunzhou what the Second Prince did, so she could never have the same place in Li Chunzhou’s heart as the Second Prince, and Gu Lingfan did not want to be a "trivial" friend like Xu Yanqu.
So Gu Lingfan took the most extreme path, hating or loving, being forgotten, and not cared for are truly pitiful.
As she expected, Li Chunzhou was really vengeful and suspicious, but she was easily appeased, buying her pastries and saying a few nice words often made her forget her intention to pick a fight.
Several times, Gu Lingfan wanted to hug her and say let’s make up, she wanted to reveal her pain and scars to Li Chunzhou, but she never took that step until the end, if not for Bi Yuansi’s appearance, Gu Lingfan probably would never have spoken about it.
At the end of her twisted feelings towards Li Chunzhou, there was only a blurry, confused, and absurd past.
The two of them looked into each other’s eyes and talked for a long time, as if trying to say all the things they hadn’t been able to say to each other for years in one go, and unknowingly, it felt like night suddenly descended upon them.
Gu Lingfan asked if she could stay with her for a night. Li Chunzhou sent the carriage driver back to pick them up tomorrow morning.
In the evening, the two lay side by side on the neatly made bed, with no lights on.
Gu Lingfan suddenly asked, "Lady Chun, can you smell the rain?"
Li Chunzhou sniffed and shook her head, "I can’t smell it."
Gu Lingfan closed her eyes and described, "It’s a damp smell, with a hint of earth… and moisture."
Li Chunzhou sniffed hard, still not smelling anything.
On a summer night full of mosquitoes, and with so much grass inside the house, Gu Lingfan fanned Li Chunzhou with a fan to drive away the mosquitoes. Li Chunzhou leaned her head against Gu Lingfan’s neck, not smelling the rain but feeling a hint of sadness in the air, a sadness emanating from Gu Lingfan, perhaps even without her own awareness. Li Chunzhou was more sensitive to emotions than others.
"I didn’t tell you the whole truth yesterday, Lady Chun," Gu Lingfan suddenly said. "My unkindness towards you wasn’t entirely out of jealousy."
"What was it?" Li Chunzhou’s voice was very gentle.
"Do you remember when the prince named Wang got drunk and insisted that you accompany guests? The Second Prince saved you by taking you away."
Li Chunzhou nodded, recalling the incident when the Second Prince took her to the Heavenly Fragrance Tower for a delicious meal, spending a whole two hundred silver coins. The chef there was very skilled, leaving Li Chunzhou with no worries, only remembering that she never saw Young Master Wang again after that.
Gu Lingfan smiled and touched her temple, saying, "I always knew back then that you would leave this place. You wouldn’t be tied down by the Spring Flowers Tower, so I treated you that way… I want you to never forget me for the rest of your life."
Li Chunzhou widened her eyes, looking at her in confusion. After a moment, she hesitantly asked, "Then why are you telling me all this now?"
Gu Lingfan scrutinized her face inch by inch, not missing a single detail, seemingly reluctant. She gazed at Li Chunzhou for so long that Li Chunzhou thought she wouldn’t answer the question. Just as Li Chunzhou was about to change the topic, she heard Gu Lingfan’s voice with a hint of a smile:
"…because I want to let you go."
Li Chunzhou froze. In the darkness, she reached out to touch Gu Lingfan’s face, finding no traces of dampness. Li Chunzhou was at a loss for words, as many things she had learned growing up were taught to her by Gu Lingfan.
Gu Lingfan taught her how to braid hair, and Li Chunzhou learned to play the piano to spend more time with her sister. She developed a love for pastries because Gu Lingfan often bought pastries with her saved money to share with her. Even in her interactions with others, Li Chunzhou completely imitated Gu Lingfan. Despite Gu Lingfan growing tired of everything in the brothel, her influence still lingered on Li Chunzhou.
"You want to let me go…" Li Chunzhou murmured. "But without you, what am I?"
Gu Lingfan paused for a moment, her voice in the darkness clear as a bell, "It’s up to you."
Li Chunzhou’s eyes widened slightly, as if something had floated away from her completely, listening to Gu Lingfan’s heartbeat, Li Chunzhou began to feel calm.
Gu Lingfan stretched out her arm, allowing Li Chunzhou to rest her head on it, and said knowingly, "Lady Chun, you’re not happy either, are you?"
Li Chunzhou’s heart, like Gu Lingfan’s, was empty, constantly trying to fill it with others’ admiration and flattery, but it was a fleeting thing that would eventually disappear, no matter how intense it seemed at the moment.
Gu Lingfan held Li Chunzhou close, gently patting her back, humming a lullaby softly.
Gu Lingfan was talented in many arts, well-known in Pingkang Alley, she sang for many nobles, but this lullaby was only sung for Li Chunzhou.
The familiar voice was close by, Li Chunzhou stubbornly kept her eyes open, looking at Gu Lingfan’s blurry face in the darkness, Gu Lingfan covered Li Chunzhou’s eyes with her hand, urging her to sleep.
Li Chunzhou’s long, thick eyelashes brushed against Gu Lingfan’s soft palm, hearing the soft humming and Gu Lingfan’s slow breaths.
Drifting off to sleep, Li Chunzhou heard Gu Lingfan’s gentle voice, like a mother or a sister, saying, "Lady Chun, I will always remember you, no matter where you go, if you’re alone, alive or dead, I will always love you… So don’t be afraid in front of anyone, in any situation… Keep moving forward, don’t be scared…"
Gu Lingfan whispered strange words that did not disturb Li Chunzhou’s sweet dream. As she closed her eyes, she heard the wind in the summer night, the chirping of cicadas outside, the sound of a fan blowing, and Gu Lingfan’s soft voice. Li Chunzhou’s tired soul, trapped in reincarnation for over ten years, momentarily sank into a gentle slumber.
After Li Chunzhou fell asleep completely, Gu Lingfan quietly watched her in the dark for a long time, then silently got up and left.
Qi Leyuan was already asleep on the roof, Li Zhexuan sat in front of the door like a lonely shadow, unnoticed by Gu Lingfan. When she left silently, Li Zhexuan did not wake up Li Chunzhou, he just watched quietly.
***
The next morning, it was the sixteenth day of this cycle.
The sound of birds outside woke Li Chunzhou up. She was in a small room without windows, but the daylight still streamed in through the gaps in the wooden boards. Li Chunzhou instinctively raised her arm to shield her eyes, only to find a handkerchief in her hand.
She looked around with blurry vision, dust floating in the air. After staring for a while, Li Chunzhou finally saw that there were a few words written in blood on the handkerchief.
[My little bird, fly well.]