Chapter 67
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Chapter 67:
Gu Lingfan stood there dazed, crying for a while, as if all her strength had suddenly been drained, and softly fainted in the water.
Li Chunzhou panicked and held her head to prevent her from drowning, then shouted for help while dragging Gu Lingfan to the shore.
Qi Leyuan, who was sleeping outside, was the first to arrive at the scene, jumped onto a lotus leaf to observe for a while, and asked, "What’s going on?"
"Li Li, go and get help quickly!" Li Chunzhou shouted with all her strength.
"Ouch." Qi Leyuan flew to the shore and called for help, realizing his mistake later.
***
When Gu Lingfan woke up again, she found herself dressed in different clothes, wrapped in a blanket on the bed. However, she still felt very cold, with her hands and feet as cold as ice.
Li Chunzhou had also taken a bath and changed clothes. She was sitting on the edge of the bed.
After calming down, Gu Lingfan looked at Li Chunzhou’s tall and slender figure, quite different from what she remembered, and suddenly said, "I’m sorry."
Li Chunzhou asked in confusion, "Why are you saying sorry? What do you have to apologize for?"
Gu Lingfan closed her eyes, looking exhausted, and refused to say more.
Li Chunzhou carried Qi Leyuan out of bed and asked softly, "Have you figured out what’s wrong with her?"
"Looks like she’s depressed," Qi Leyuan replied quietly.
"What is depression?" Qi Leyuan paused for a moment to gather his thoughts and said, "Um, let me check… According to Chinese medicine, it means emotional stagnation, Qi stagnation, and blood stasis."
"Li Li, do you have any tools or skills that can help cure Fan Nuo?" Li Chunzhou rarely showed a hint of a pleading expression.
"When the body is weak, rely on emotions," Qi Leyuan shook his head disapprovingly, "It’s hard to say about the emotional knot, but let’s start by strengthening the body."
Li Chunzhou believed wholeheartedly and immediately started discussing with Red Bean to buy ingredients for a nourishing meal to help Gu Lingfan.
After being busy for a while, she also picked out new clothes and jewelry suitable for Gu Lingfan, helping her to dress up. These clothes were slightly larger in size but not different in fabric from what she usually wore.
Li Chunzhou is still growing taller now, preparing these for when she grows taller in the future. However, trapped in the cycle for more than ten years, Li Chunzhou had almost gotten used to her current height.
Gu Lingfan stood still like a soulless puppet, letting Li Chunzhou dress her up, but Li Chunzhou was happy, taking care of Gu Lingfan as if playing house like a little girl.
Looking at herself in the mirror, Gu Lingfan saw Li Chunzhou standing there with her hair loose, smiling happily at herself.
Although she wore no makeup, Li Chunzhou looked so pretty, lively, and animated that it made Gu Lingfan feel awkward. It was unclear whether it was sadness or something else, as Gu Lingfan turned her eyes away awkwardly.
Li Chunzhou kept talking about their past, "I remember when you used to comb my hair when we were kids…"
The happiness on her face was so pure, yet so annoying.
"…You’re too focused on the past," Gu Lingfan suddenly interrupted Li Chunzhou’s chattering, turning her head away without looking at her, "It’s something unhappy people do."
Li Chunzhou stopped talking, she stayed silent for a moment and asked, "Do you ever miss our old days?"
This time, Gu Lingfan didn’t respond coldly to her, instead, she remained silent and lowered her gaze.
Gu Lingfan’s eyes flickered, despite Li Chunzhou’s hopeful expression, but in the end, Gu Lingfan didn’t say anything.
Of course, I remember. I can even show you my scars, show you my aging and withering body, tell you how these past few years have been so unbearable for me.
But I will never show you my heart, or tell you I miss you.
If I reveal all my feelings for you, you will quickly lose interest in me.
Without this "lost and regained" halo, all the passers-by and men in your life are the same to me… I understand in my heart.
Li Chunzhou didn’t pay attention to her silence.
"You just said ‘sorry’ to me, was it because of what happened before when you ignored me?" Li Chunzhou tightly grasped Gu Lingfan’s hand, as if afraid that she might run away again, "I forgive you… but why did you ignore me back then? Did I do something to upset you?"
Li Chunzhou recalled the words Gu Lingfan said before leaving Spring Flowers Tower, and the relieved expression on her face at that time, feeling a sense of emptiness and fear in her heart.
In a way, Li Chunzhou was even grateful, grateful that there was something that could reconcile her and Gu Lingfan, thus possessively holding her hand tightly, unwilling to let go.
Without even realizing it herself, she had become more and more like the Second Prince.
Gu Lingfan weakly raised her eyes, giving a feeble explanation, "I don’t know either, maybe I was being stubborn at that time…"
Qi Leyuan listened with furrowed brows, feeling incredulous, because it seemed absurd to hold a grudge against Li Chunzhou for so many years over a trivial matter…
As a result, Li Chunzhou felt completely relieved after hearing that and decided to let go of the matter lightly.
She rested her head on Gu Lingfan’s shoulder and playfully complained, "You shouldn’t have ignored me for so long…sister."
Over the years, Gu Lingfan’s hostility towards Li Chunzhou didn’t actually cause any real harm to Li Chunzhou. What bothered Li Chunzhou the most was enduring being neglected by someone she liked, especially when that person was Gu Lingfan – someone who had taken care of her since childhood, sharing everything from meals to daily life, and whom she considered like a sister.
Li Chunzhou actually had a somewhat immature side, like a child, always determined to get what she wanted, no matter the means or ways.
There were many people who liked her, kind, innocent, selfless, and even willing to die for her. There was never a shortage of such people around Li Chunzhou, including Xu Yanqu, Mi Hongbao, Hong Dou, Ming Xiang, and those men whose names she couldn’t remember, all sorts of people…
But Gu Lingfan was the first person in her life to be so tolerant towards her, and Li Chunzhou had always been very dependent on her.
Gu Lingfan abandoned her before Li Chunzhou’s peak of concern for her, and this was something Li Chunzhou would never forget in her life, always unable to forget her, repeatedly facing rejection.
Li Chunzhou was good at winning people’s favor and she knew her strengths in pleasing others. Therefore, she instinctively believed that her relationship with Gu Lingfan was strong and reliable, never considering that Gu Lingfan, who had always liked her, could dislike her. So she was shocked and caught off guard after being abandoned.
However, Li Chunzhou did not hate Gu Lingfan. She never hated Gu Lingfan, never saw her as a real enemy, but instead, she always waited for an opportunity to reconcile with Gu Lingfan.
This was originally what Gu Lingfan wanted, but now she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Gu Lingfan covered her eyes, not wanting to see Li Chunzhou’s face in the mirror. She trembled and said, "I have always been jealous of you, you have no idea, I…"
She wanted to say sorry, wanted to say you shouldn’t come so close to me like this, but Gu Lingfan couldn’t speak. Just like how she couldn’t reveal all the dark thoughts in her heart to Li Chunzhou, she was afraid that Li Chunzhou would dislike her after seeing everything.
"It’s okay," Li Chunzhou reached out to remove Gu Lingfan’s hands covering her eyes, wanting Gu Lingfan to look into her eyes, "…if you really don’t care about me anymore, I will be even sadder."
No, you don’t understand at all, Gu Lingfan thought to herself. What I’m truly jealous of is your ability to say "it’s okay" so lightly.
But when Li Chunzhou removed her hands, Gu Lingfan still shed tears because of the intense sunlight shining in her eyes. She sighed deeply, too weak to say anything, just looking at Li Chunzhou in the mirror, crying.
Forcing herself to resent Li Chunzhou brought more pain than begging her not to leave.
Gu Lingfan absentmindedly thought she didn’t want to constantly fight against herself and the world anymore, just living was draining her so much already.
So, Gu Lingfan turned around and gently hugged Li Chunzhou’s soft, warm body, briefly easing her breath.
Li Chunzhou was surprised but then closed her eyes tightly, hugging Gu Lingfan tightly, just like they used to do when they were little.
***
The day passed with Gu Lingfan and Li Chunzhou talking to each other. Even though Gu Lingfan sometimes smiled in response to Li Chunzhou’s words, Li Chunzhou could still tell that she was not happy.
In the brothel, there are two types of people. One type turns to love a man because life is too painful and they haven’t made firm choices. The other type loves themselves doubly because no one loves them.
Both choices seem to be seeking love, but once they go down the wrong path, it’s often hard to find a way back.
Pain has almost become the majority, even all, of Gu Lingfan’s life. When this part is torn away, it’s like tearing away her flesh and blood.
So her face often showed a confused look, as if at a loss. Life was flat, and thoughts of death still lingered in her mind like a ghost, sometimes surfacing to hurt her.
Gu Lingfan is mentally weak now, and Li Chunzhou grabs Li Zhexuan’s hand, asking him to read Gu Lingfan’s memories.
When Li Chunzhou saw the scene of Bi Yuansi pushing Gu Lingfan after an argument, hatred and disgust couldn’t help but show on her face. She was so angry that her hands were shaking. No wonder Gu Lingfan considered suicide after drinking the Five Poison Powder – Bi Yuansi said such nasty things.
"Chihong," Li Chunzhou said coldly, unable to contain her anger. "Go kill him! Kill Bi Yuansi!!!"
Chihong looked at Li Chunzhou in surprise, not expecting her to be so angry, but still nodded and quietly left.
In the evening, Li Chunzhou made Gu Lingfan sleep on her own bed, while Li Zhexuan and Qi Leyuan were sent outside.
Li Chunzhou got into the habit of sleeping hugging someone because she used to sleep with Gu Lingfan when they were young.
Qi Leyuan was used to sleeping outside a long time ago, and when he saw Li Zhexuan being thrown out too, he couldn’t help but feel a little pleased. Li Zhexuan stood cluelessly at the door, pacing back and forth, and finally quietly stood guard at the door all night.
The next day, Gu Lingfan still felt low, but she suggested a place and asked Li Chunzhou if she wanted to go with her.