Chapter 25

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Chapter 25: The Night Talk (1)

     

Liu Qian lay down fully clothed, her mind racing in the darkness, unable to find sleep.

     

Normally, it was Guo Sufei who tidied up the house and was the last one to go to sleep. However, tonight she lay down on the kang early and didn’t get up to settle anyone else. While the other men didn’t pay attention to these details, Liu Qian was observant, especially regarding Guo Sufei’s unusual demeanor after returning from Grandmother’s room. This raised even more suspicions for Liu Qian. However, since this was the Zhang family’s private matter and Liu Qian was an outsider, it wasn’t appropriate for her to inquire. Thus, she kept her thoughts to herself.

     

[TL_Note: kang->traditional Chinese heated bed]

     

In the darkness, Guo Sufei tossed and turned, occasionally letting out a soft sob. After a while, her mood settled, and she spoke softly: “Qianqian, are you still awake?”

     

Liu Qian replied cautiously: “Yes, Auntie, I haven’t fallen asleep yet.”

     

Guo Sufei sighed apologetically: “Ah, there are some things that made me feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry you have to witness this.”

     

Liu Qian smiled reassuringly: “Auntie, everyone encounters troubling things. It’s nothing.”

     

Another moment of silence passed. Guo Sufei continued: “Qianqian, when did your mother leave you?”

     

Liu Qian pondered for a moment before responding: “I heard from Father, that when I was four years old, I had contracted a severe illness that didn’t respond to treatment, no matter how hard they tried. When my mother left, I don’t have much memory of it.”

     

Guo Sufei replied: “Not having memories might be a kind of blessing, sparing you from constant longing.”

     

Liu Qian nodded, saying: “Yes, Auntie, you’re absolutely right. My memories of my mother are all from what my father told me. From what my father said, my mother’s family was wealthy, while my father’s family was poor at the time. But my father’s intellect impressed my mother. Despite my grandparents’ strong opposition, my mother made the difficult decision to leave home to be with my father, cutting ties with her own parents. My grandfather was also particularly cold-hearted, to this day, I don’t know where they are or if they’ve ever visited us. My father, although highly educated, disliked politics and the intrigues of officialdom, so he never left our village and made a living by teaching. My mother lived there with him.”

     

Pausing for a moment, Liu Qian continued: “My mother’s health was already fragile, and the doctor advised against having children. But for the sake of my father, she still gave birth to my elder brother. Her vitality was greatly compromised, and it took many years of recuperation for her to recover. When she was pregnant with me, my father advised her against it, fearing for her safety. However, my mother insisted that since the child was already conceived, it was a gift from heaven, and she was willing to sacrifice everything for the child. My birth went smoothly, but my mother’s health deteriorated. It was bad until the day she left us. I’ve always wondered if my mother hadn’t wanted me, she would have been fine.”

     

At this point, Liu Qian’s voice was also choked up.

     

Guo Sufei comforted her, saying: “Qianqian, when you become a mother yourself one day, you’ll understand. A child is everything to a mother, and a mother will give her all for her child. Even though you were still in your mother’s womb, everything about you was already imprinted in her heart. She would never consider her own well-being over yours. She would have thought of you early on and ensured your safe arrival in this world.”

     

Liu Qian agreed, saying: “Yes, Auntie, sometimes I feel deeply grateful for my mother. Even though my memories of her are vague, she not only escaped from the constraints of her family for her own happiness but also sacrificed her life for her child. Sometimes I think about it, maternal love is so ordinary yet extraordinary. And, Auntie, even though I haven’t been here for long, I really like the harmonious atmosphere in your family. Seeing Xiaohua and the others rely on you so much, I also feel envious.”

     

Guo Sufei replied: “Qianqian, I can’t compare myself to your mother. I’ve lived in this small mountain village since I was young, without education or literacy like your mother. I don’t know as much as she does from reading many books. Since your uncle married into our family, I’ve always felt that if two people live together, they should live harmoniously and love each other. Otherwise, what joy is there in life? Later, when Xiaolong, Xiaohu, and Xiaohua were born, watching them grow up bit by bit, you can’t imagine how proud and accomplished I feel. Your uncle and I don’t have much education or experience, and our children have suffered because of it. We couldn’t provide them with a good education like you and your siblings.”

     

Liu Qian said: “Auntie, you’re mistaken. Although we siblings may have read more books, know more characters, and have more knowledge than Xiaolong and the others, when Yueyue and I were bullied in the town, there were many scholars present, but who stood up? It was Xiaolong and the others who didn’t read many books but understood the justice in the world and weren’t afraid to stand up against power and fists. That kind of goodness is true goodness. Reading too many books may actually diminish one’s passion and increase one’s concerns, which may not make them stronger than those who haven’t read many books.”

     

Guo Sufei felt relieved and added: “Speaking of them, I’m truly happy. These children are naturally kind-hearted and sensible from a young age. Although mischievous, they never cause harm to others and are aware of our family’s circumstances. They never bring trouble upon us. The villagers have always liked them since they were little. They have indeed done a lot to help others. Raising them to this point, as a mother, I am very proud of them. Sometimes, I also think, if our family’s circumstances were truly better, maybe we wouldn’t feel as reassured about them now.”

     

Liu Qian agreed, saying: “That’s right, Auntie. Sometimes, a person’s fate is predetermined, and they thrive in their environment. Forcing them into a different environment may not yield good results.”

     

Then, seeing Guo Sufei’s mood improving slightly, Liu Qian continued: “Auntie, it seems like you haven’t told me about what happened today. Keeping things bottled up isn’t good for you. It’s better to talk about it, it’s good for your health.”

     

Guo Sufei forced a smile and said: “Look at me, I started talking about children and went off on a tangent. I really do think about them a lot in my life.”

     

Liu Qian remained silent, so Guo Sufei continued: “As a mother, I worry about my own children, their comfort, their well-being, but I’ve neglected my own mother. When I was still a child, it was my mother who took care of me and paid attention to me. She watched me grow up, and become an adult. Now, all my focus is on my own children, and I’ve forgotten about my own mother. Even though I take care of her every day, cooking for her, and making clothes for her, I rarely have heart-to-heart conversations with her and rarely ask about her thoughts. Looking back now, I should have done more for my mother.”

     

Liu Qian also felt a sense of unease in her heart. Yes, mothers all over the world dote on their children, but their own children often overlook their mothers. She comforted Guo Sufei, saying: “Auntie, Grandma sees your heart being devoted to your children, and she’s happy about that. She won’t mind if you don’t pay as much attention to her. She’ll just give the love she has for you to her grandchildren. Besides, Auntie, your mother is still here with you. Isn’t that better than someone like me who doesn’t have a mother to care for?”

     

Guo Sufei sighed softly and said: “But when you want to repay your mother, you suddenly realize that you don’t have much time left to spend with her. Do you regret not realizing this earlier?”

     

Liu Qian also sighed heavily and said: “Yes, it’s indeed a great regret when one wants to care for their parents but they’re no longer around. However, Auntie, Grandma is also getting older, and she must be very happy to see you start a family, to witness the birth and growth of her grandchildren. Although you may not directly show your concern for her, you’re indirectly caring for and loving her. I believe Grandma wouldn’t blame you for that.”

     

After a brief pause, Guo Sufei said: “Qianqian, it’s great to be educated and knowledgeable like you. Your words have eased my heart a lot. We rural women sometimes find it hard to change our ways.”

     

Liu Qian replied: “Auntie, don’t praise me like that. I’m just a country girl too.”

     

Guo Sufei said: “Qianqian, don’t be modest. At least I know there’s no child as intelligent as you in this whole area. By the way, about what Grandma said to you this afternoon, if there was any rudeness in her words, please don’t take it to heart.”

     

Liu Qian replied: “I won’t, Auntie.”

     

After a moment of silence, Guo Sufei finally said: “Qianqian, but on the other hand, this is her last wish. Besides, our family is especially fond of you. I’ve always wanted to ask about your feelings. Since we’ve talked so much today, I won’t beat around the bush anymore. What do you think of Xiaolong?”

     

Now it was Liu Qian’s turn to fall silent.

     

In Liu Qian’s heart, she didn’t know how to respond. On one hand, she was quite satisfied with Xiaolong, but considering the short time they had spent together, she couldn’t fully grasp his true nature. However, if there is fate, they would meet even a thousand miles apart, but if there’s no fate, even if they meet, they won’t recognize each other.

     

In just a few days, one could form unforgettable impressions, while years of interaction might only leave behind friendship. Understanding a person can be just as elusive. Sometimes, a single glance is enough, but if you can’t comprehend them, even thousands of looks will only result in a blur. As for her connection with Xiaolong, from him rescuing her to her offering herself in gratitude, it was truly a legendary tale. However, entrusting her lifelong happiness solely to Zhang Xiaolong was still a matter of hesitation for her.

     

It seemed like everything was falling into place. Grandmother was incredibly kind, the Zhang family treated her well, and she genuinely liked Zhang Xiaolong. She also cherished this poor yet warm and harmonious home, reminiscent of her own loving family. She was willing to become a part of this family and fulfill Grandmother’s final wish—to see her depart from this world without regrets. However, everything felt too fresh and uncertain. Was it best to give it some time to simmer and develop naturally?

     

Liu Qian hesitated, finding it difficult to respond.

     

After a while, she said: “Auntie, it’s getting late today. Let’s talk about it another day.”

     

Guo Sufei also let out a soft sigh, remaining silent.

     

In the small courtyard of the Zhang family, moonlight shone brightly. How many more people drifted off to sleep?