Chapter 42

Our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/PazjBDkTmW

Volume 1: First Performance: A Tragic Love Story Of A Young Lady And Spring Cherry Blossoms

Chapter 42: The Cross-Dressing Boy Reveals His Past To The Wolf Girl

“The reason I quit acting… it was because my mother passed away.”

“Huh…?”

At those words, Akane’s eyes widened in surprise, and she stared at me.

I smiled softly at her, then quietly began to speak.

“My mother had lung cancer. She was forced to spend a long time in a small hospital room, battling the illness. The only thing that brought her joy during that time was seeing my father on TV.”

“Fuuma’s father… you mean Kyoichiro Yanagisawa?”

“Yeah, that’s right. My mother always enjoyed watching the dramas my dad was in. But whenever there was a kissing scene with another actress, she’d always shout, calling him a cheater, and run around like crazy. Haha… anyway, my mom loved Kyoichiro deeply. Even to the point where a mama’s boy like me would get jealous.”

“Huh, you were a mama’s boy? That’s a bit creepy…”

“Shut up. I was a mama’s boy and a siscon who loved his mom and sister more than anything. That’s why… that’s why I decided to become an actor too, to compete with my dad. I wanted to make my mom, who was stuck in that hospital room, even a little bit happier.”

“…I see. You wanted to make her happy…”

“Yeah. Sure enough, when I started getting popular as a child actor, my mom was delighted. I still remember how she patted my head, saying she had more shows to look forward to.”

I became an actor just to make one person happy.

Seeing my mother smile while watching the TV dramas my father starred in, it was as if she forgot all about her illness… So, as a child, I genuinely believed that the power of acting could cure her.

But… the idea that acting could cure an illness was nothing more than a dream.

“The image of my mother in her final moments is still vivid in my mind. In dramas and anime, death is often portrayed as peaceful… but that’s not how it is in reality. When people die, they suffer.”

After saying that, I began to tell Akane about what happened five years ago.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

“Fuuma… I don’t think I have much time left.”

Diagnosed by the doctor with only a few days to live, my mother—dosed with morphine—lay weakly in her hospital bed, giving me a fleeting smile.

I gripped her hand, and as a child, I forced my trembling lips to move, struggling to speak.

“…Mom, I passed another audition, you know? In Japan, there’s hardly an actor who doesn’t know my name now. I’ve earned a lot of money too. I’ve received many awards, trophies… all because I wanted to make you happy. So… so please, don’t die, Mom…”

“Fuuma, from now on, don’t just make me happy—become an actor who can bring joy to others as well. You have the power to uplift many people, even those you can’t see. That’s an amazing thing, isn’t it? So many people are waiting behind the screen, looking forward to your performance. So keep going.”

“I… I don’t want that… Mom, please, keep watching my performances… I don’t want to be alone…”

“Oh, what are you saying? You have Rurika, your father, and many fans supporting you. No matter what, you’re never alone. So many people are waiting for you.”

Thinking about the fact that my mother would soon be gone overwhelmed me with loneliness, and I felt like I might lose my mind.

The unconditional love I received would disappear from this world.

The person who had always supported me would be gone.

The thought of that was unbearably painful.

“Fuuma. It’s okay. Even if I die, it’s just that you won’t be able to see me anymore.”

“Huh…?”

Even though her arms were thin and almost weak, my mother squeezed my hands gently to reassure me.

And then, with her usual gentle smile, she began speaking again in a gentle voice.

“Even if I die and turn to ashes, I won’t be in the grave or in front of the altar. I’ll always be by your side, Fuuma. I’ll always be watching over you. So… so become an actor who surpasses your father. You can do it. As your number one fan, I guarantee it. Show me your brilliant future, Fuuma.”

“Mom… Mom…!”

“Hehe. But my only regret… is that I couldn’t see who Rurika’s husband or your wife would be like. Oh, and Fuuma, be careful with your relationships, okay? The entertainment industry is strict about scandals. If you get too caught up with a beautiful actress—ugh.”

“Mom?”

“Ugh… ah, aaahh, aaahhhh!!!! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!!!!!!”

Perhaps the morphine had worn off, as Mom’s behavior had changed completely from her calm demeanor from earlier.

She began writhing in pain on the bed, suffering terribly.

“No, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, nooooo!!! Kill me, kill meeeee!!!”

“Mom!!!!!! Someone, please! A nurse, doctor, come quickly!!!!!!”

When pain reaches an extreme level, it can even alter a person’s personality.

The mother who was always cheerful and positive, who never once said she wanted to die, was now begging for death… It was a shocking sight for a child like me.

When the morphine wore off, the person before me seemed like something else entirely, not my mother.

“Mom… Mom…!”

And then, two days later.

Without being able to have a proper conversation with me… my mother passed away, only letting out groans.

—–One Month Later.

As per my mother’s last wish, I started dedicating more time to my acting practice, aiming to surpass my father.

But… my acting had lost its brilliance compared to before.

“Fuuma. What’s with that performance?”

“Huh?”

“Your performance is shallow, just scratching the surface like a child’s play. Are you kidding me?”

During practice with my father, Kyoichiro, those harsh words came out of his mouth.

I glared at him and retorted.

“I’m not kidding! I’m serious about this!”

“Oh? Then try that part again.”

I opened the script and focused on the performance.

The script Kyoichiro gave me was from a story about parental love, based on a short novel.

The unconditional love a mother has for her son…

For me, it was a painful and unbearable story.

“…Ugh!”

Before I knew it, I had vomited all over the floor.

My heart was pounding rapidly as if sounding an alarm, my arms and legs trembled, and I couldn’t stand properly.

I felt dizzy, and my vision seemed distorted.

Kyoichiro approached me, grabbed my arm, and spoke quietly.

“So it’s true. I’ve felt for a while that your performances seemed deliberately restrained… Now it’s clear. You’ve developed a trauma around ‘love’, haven’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Your manager spoke to me about the decline in your recent performances. At first, I thought it was due to the shock of Yuki’s death, making you emotionally unstable… But it turns out things were worse than I imagined.”

Shaking his head, Kyoichiro furrowed his brow and spoke again.

“I’ve watched the plays and dramas you’ve been in over the past month. And I realized… you’ve developed something like the yips.”

“What are the yips…?”

“It’s a psychological condition often seen in athletes and musicians. Under pressure in high-stress situations, they become tense, leading to involuntary muscle stiffness and an inability to perform as they normally would. That’s exactly what’s happening to you, Kaede.”

“……”

“In your case, it only happens when you immerse yourself deeply in your role, and the script involves ‘love’. I’m sure Yuki never wanted you to end up like this. Don’t make your mother sad, Fuuma.”

“…You weren’t there when Mom was dying.”

“Huh?”

“You weren’t by her side until the end! You didn’t see how much she suffered! So don’t you dare speak for her, you lousy father!!”

After I shouted that, my father let out a big sigh.

Then, looking down at me with a disdainful gaze, he spoke in an intimidating tone.

“Fuuma. As an actor, you’re a defective.”

“What…?”

“An actor who lets personal feelings affect their performance isn’t a professional. An actor is someone who perfectly traces the emotions of the character in the script, transforming themselves into someone else to deceive the audience. But right now, you’re acting as Fuuma Yanagisawa. If you can’t become someone else, you’re less than third-rate.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t ever step on stage again. If someone like you stays in the acting world with the Yanagisawa name, you’ll tarnish my reputation.”

“What… are you saying… Dad…?”

“If you can’t overcome your mother’s death, you have no value.”

With those final words, my father, Kyoichiro Yanagisawa, lost all interest in me.

Even though I had been completely rejected by my father, I still tried to continue acting—though with the yips, I couldn’t give a proper performance.

After being shattered by the harsh reality and left in ruins…

I decided to quit acting.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

“…Well, that’s the stupid reason why I quit being an actor.”

“……”

Akane listened to my story in silence, a pained expression on her face.

Despite her prickly demeanor, she’s kind in her own way.

But at the same time… she’s also a professional actor, just like Kyoichiro.

“…Sorry, Fuuma. But as an actor, I can’t sympathize with you.”

“Yeah. I figured.”

“As actors, our job is to portray different characters and entertain the audience by bringing them into a fictional world. Showing your true self on stage would ruin everything. It’s only natural that someone with the yips like you can’t return to acting.”

“Yeah. You’re absolutely right.”

The actor known as Fuuma Yanagisawa died five years ago. He’ll never step on stage again.

With this, I think Akane has finally come to terms with it too. No matter how hard she tries, she must understand now that I can’t go back to the world of acting.

“…Akane. You keep running toward the goal that I couldn’t reach. You can do it. After all, you were the only rival I ever had during my cocky days as an actor.”

I said this as if to bid farewell to the actor known as Fuuma Yanagisawa.

But for some reason, Akane looked at me with a bewildered expression and opened her mouth.

“Huh? What are you talking about? We made a promise, remember? That we’d both become top actors in the entertainment world. We’re going to reach the peak of the acting world together, Fuuma. Why are you acting like you’ve given up?”

“Wh-What? Weren’t you listening? I can’t act like I used to anymore…”

“So what? Then we’ll just find a way to cure this ‘yips’ thing together. Simple, right?”

“Huh…?”

“Hey, Fuuma. Do you remember what I said to you when we first met?”

“W-What are you talking about?”

“You’ve forgotten? Geez, fine, I’ll say it again. In the future, you and I will be at the top of the acting world. You’ll win Best Actor at the Japan Academy Awards, and I’ll win Best Actress. And after that, we’ll keep competing and challenging each other. We’ll be the ones leading the entertainment world, Fuuma.”

Unlike her brash tone from when we were kids… Akane, now grown up, declared this to me in a gentle voice.

At that moment, the words of my late mother suddenly crossed my mind.

“No matter what, you’re never truly alone. There are many people waiting for you.”

For some reason, seeing Akane’s kind smile made my eyes water.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

“So, I’m borrowing your sneakers… are you sure it’s okay?”

Standing at the entrance, wearing my sneakers, Akane tilted her head and asked.

I gave her a nod.

“Of course. I can’t let you go home in just your socks. By the way, do they fit?”

“Yeah, they’re surprisingly perfect. But seriously, Fuuma… you’re not just short, even your feet are small. It’s like you’re a girl, it’s funny.”

[Ah… Ahahaha… That kinda hurts, considering the current situation…]

As someone who’s cross-dressing, being told I look girly when I’m not in disguise really hits the ego…

Seeing me slump, Akane gave me a puzzled look, then cleared her throat and spoke seriously.

“Hey, Fuuma. Are you free on May 30th?”

“Oh? Well, that day (Romeo)—no, there’s nothing planned. Yep, there’s nothing planned.”

“Really? Then could you come to Sendai City Civic Hall that day? I’m going to be in a school play there. And I’m the lead. So… please, come watch.”

“Oh, uh… I’ll come if I can.”

I could never tell her that I’ll be in the same play, and as her co-star Juliet, no less…

“Not ‘if you can’, you have to come. I’m going to give my all in this performance, just for you. I’ll show you an act so powerful it’ll blow away your yips and get you back on your feet. I’m going to prove to you how amazing your rival really is, Fuuma!”

She said this with a smile, her eyes narrowing, then waved her hand.

“Well then, I’m off. I had a really terrible day, but… somehow I feel like a weight’s been lifted! I feel like I can beat the bullies and even Kaede Kisaragi now. It’s all thanks to you, Fuuma. So, uh… see you!”

With that, she turned on her heel, stepped outside, and shut the door behind her.

It was late, and I really wanted to walk her home… but who knows when she’ll figure out my secret.

It’s probably best to keep my distance…

“…Still, that girl really wants to… bring me back to the world of acting.”

I used to think of her as a violent, overbearing, strange girl who was abnormally obsessed with me… but looking at her again, I see that Akane is a pretty cool girl.

To think that she still needs me, someone who’s lost all value as an actor and was abandoned by his father… and that she’s been waiting for me all this time…

That reliable presence is standing before me, beckoning me to come quickly.

Just that alone makes me feel like my heart has become lighter somehow…