The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Strolling With My Dog

“Voke, half-Elf half-Beastman, Bronze-rank Assassin. The lives lost under his hands are countless and his favorite hobby is hunting down children. He was captured by an operation carried out by the Dark Elves of Liu Huang Mountain City and was sentenced to imprisonment for 376 years, never to be let out his entire life. Tsk tsk.”


While reading the information, I tsk-ed in fascination at the half-Elf Assassin in the cage. Half-Beastman are a rarely seen breed. For the other half to be their mortal enemy, the Elves, that makes his breed even rarer.


“Lich? Wait, don’t kill me! Don’t use me for your experiments too! You must have a lot of enemies, I can help you get rid of them!”


After realising that he was sent to the Lich, Volk was initially stunned because even the weakest of the Liches is at least a Legend-rank. Then, he soon felt at ease as Liches belonged to the Chaos faction, similar to him. At the very least, they were easier to deal with than those full-of-justice dumb-headed Holy Knights. Those hypocrites of the Order faction never understood the wonders of making deals and compromising.


But at this moment, I stare at him, smirking. I didn’t bring him over from Liu Huang City’s prison to get an underling.

I place a withered bony finger on the forehead of the half-Elf. Even though he is an unforgivable serial killer who have committed great atrocities, the warmth of the living still brings one comfort.


Only that the other party’s face didn’t look very good. Perhaps he have heard of the legends of Liches playing with people’s souls and corpses. Under the icy touch of the white bones, his face drastically whitens.


“…Really interesting. I thought that you were just a serial killer. To actually  be a hidden blood flesh ritual-doer, a worshipper of the filthy demons. You used the life of young children and made deals with the Devils from hell for an extended lifespan and strength.”


As expected, when I said those words, the dirty memories hidden in his subconscious starts to float out and following it is the memory he fears the most.


“Tell me, interesting fellow, what are you afraid of the most.”


The human brain is extremely interesting. The more you try not to think about something, the more your subconscious would think more about the matter.


The 4-circle Memory Reading spell isn’t a very complicated spell but it isn’t a very useful ability either. True secrets are always hidden in the depths of the mind but the Memory Reading spell can only see what is on the surface.


But, I have my special way of doing things.


By asking “what secrets are you hiding”, the person in question would tend to subconsciously think about what he has to hide and in that instant, all his secrets float to the surface, allowing my Memory Reading spell access to it.


“…The thing you fear the most is your true identity getting exposed? I see. Then, what is your true identity?”


“Chrome City’s spy? Wow, that is really interesting.” After a series of questions, his hidden motives became clear.


My luck isn’t bad today. Initially, I only wanted to change 2 of my prisoners to increase my Evil Points but after a bit of questioning, I actually found out that he was a spy sent by other cities.


Underground city Chrometaxo, this is probably the closest city to Liu Huang Mountain City. But, compared to the prosperous Liu Huang Mountain City, its population is significantly smaller.


The city is mainly dominated by the Beastmen and Gray Dwarves. The city lord is a dumb Beastman who believes in the God of Tyrants Ban. The city’s mining industry is quite advanced but their other industries weren’t looking that good.


This spy was recruited while he was in Chrome city, his mission being the most basic of all, information collecting. But, this is sufficient to prove to Chrome City was up to something.




“Hm?” The elusive headmaid appears behind my back the next second.


“Interrogate him seriously, find out all of his secrets and send Magaret a copy of the report. Tell her that if she doesn’t intend to bother with it, I will dump this task on Adam.”


In my mind, catching a spy = a dark hidden secret = an ambition of a certain influential figure = a series of troubles… which equivalent to unpaid volunteer work!


Since there are no benefits to be derived from working on it, I don’t want to interfere in such a bothersome matter. Since I managed to stumble upon it, let’s just dump it on someone who might be interested. The Head of Internal Affairs Great Saint Magaret would follow the clues and unravel the fabric of truth.


As for the criminal? Before he was even sent to me, he was already deemed to be guilty of unpardonable crimes and now that he is here, he doesn’t have to dream about leaving.




Following 2 thunderous rumblings, my entire dwelling trembles slightly and dust are shaken off the ceiling, floating in the stale air of the underground prison.


The prisoners cough violently in response and even my bones were cloaked in a thick layer of ash. Elisa, being well-prepared beforehand, uses a handkerchief to cover her mouth


“Looks like Ah Bao couldn’t wait any longer.”


This earthquake was created by my beloved Ah Bao. As it is way past the time for his usual walk and his master has yet to appear, he decided to jump about as a way to ask me to hurry up.


Thus, I irresponsibly dumped all of the work on Elisa. It is the end of work time and the commencement of Ah Bao’s strolling time.


Or rather, should I say that now is the time when I get pulled about by my gigantic two-headed hellhound…


Just like other dumb dogs, right after leaving home, Ah Bao seems to have forgotten the presence of his owner and starts dashing around everywhere joyfully. As the one holding the leash, my entire skeletal rack don’t weigh more than 15kg and my strength is a measly 5, thus naturally, I end up flying in the sky, pulled around by a 10 ton humongous beast.


Of course, at a time like this, after suffering several times under such circumstances, I would cast a floating spell on myself and tie the leash to the strongest bone on my skeleton and act as a qualified kite…


Furthermore, this kind of strolling method had reaped me some unexpected benefits…


“The skull flag has risen, that big dog is coming! Everyone, keep your stores!”


“Where’s the Town Security? Call the Town Security!!”


“Everyone, buck up. Let’s build a defense line to protect our meat stores to our last breath. Today, don’t dream about snatching away my fresh rib bones!”


Alright, the me who is being dragged around in the air became the alarm for Ah Bao’s presence. To prevent themselves from getting injured by the raging dumb dog, all the booth owners within 2 streets start packing up their stores to get out of Ah Bao’s way.


“Go to the city’s East Undead area, that area shouldn’t be under the jurisdiction of the Town Security!”


Hearing their words, I immediately issue an order to Ah Bao and use all my strength to tug on the rope to get him to turn around.


On previous occasions when I brought Ah Bao out for a stroll, the most we caused was only chaos in the traffic flow. We never hurt any people in the past. (Skeleton soldiers aren’t considered as people!)


Normally, the Town Security would have more important cases to deal with and after they are done with their current tasks, I would have been heading back home already. But now, as the final survivor of the Gentlemen Alliance, without the other members of our alliance creating trouble for them, I definitely would not underestimate the speed of their deployment and their determination to get rid of us.




Under my directions, Ah Bao kicks away the Tauren blocking the road and sits on the roadblock with his gigantic bottom, destroying it in the process. Then, he sprints all the way to the city East, leaving dust in his wake.


“Hold it!!”


“Momo commands you to stay still. It was all because of you that Momo wet herself in front of Lord Wumianzhe yesterday!”


Fine, it looks like I still underestimated the other party’s determination to take me down. To think the Town Security would prepare an ambush.


But… “Jump, Ah Bao!”


The gigantic hellhound leaps and flies past the obstacles in front of us.


The Town Security behind us stops in their tracks, frustrated.


A 6-meter tall Skeleton Giant holds the gold-plated city gates as a shield in front of them, blocking their path.


The empty sockets where his eyeball should have been didn’t show a hint of emotion but no one dares to bypass him.


We are already in the City East, Undead District and this plot of land isn’t under the jurisdiction of the Town Security. If they want to carry out an arrest here, they would have to write a report and go about the proper procedures. But, by the time they are done with it, the Lich would have been long gone from their sights.


I have finally reached my destination for today. I sent Ah Bao away to look for food… cough, to play.


Afterwards, I greeted every single Undead in front of me.


“Hi, long time no see, do you all miss me? Musclehead, your rotten flesh has become much smellier now. Smallbones, your skull is really shiny, which brand of oil are you using? Uncle Aca, your bones are getting rusty. Ah, why don’t you try the new lubricant I just created. It is made of natural ingredients, environmentally friendly and has no side effects…”


But the Undeads who were just pouncing around in front me, stood in daze after catching sight of me, then…


“Run!! That lunatic is here again!! He scared the hell out of me!”


…Such a upsetting sight to see everyone scattering in all directions.


The Skeleton Giant, carrying its own axe, jumps across the roof while the Dullahans charges away with their heads. Even the pitiful Skeleton Warriors try to slip away.


The sight in front of me is really depressing…


“Hey hey, is that how you welcome your clansmen? I only used you all to experiment necromancy, do daily chores for me and test out the might of my sacred sword…”


The more I said, the less confidence my words have. A familiar voice sounds out from my back.


“Your Majesty, you have already spoken of the reasons yourself so I shall not dwell on that any further. This time, the reason for your visit, is it time for us to fight?”


“No, I’m a pacifist, fighting and such stuff are things I hate the most. However, the time I promised is indeed about to come. So, is our army prepared and ready to go?”


“Of course, Your Majesty. Your army, no matter is it 376 years ago, or 250 years ago, or 130 years ago, when have we let you down?! The remaining 24602 of the fallen Red Hunting Hounds have been sharpening their edges and grinding their teeth, awaiting the day for their deployment. We already can’t wait for the moment we return to the battlefield.”
TL: Fallen -> He uses a phrase that means the remaining soldiers of the losing side of the war


The fallen soldiers’ voices are filled with fighting spirit. My general, as expected, is still as reliable as he was in the past.


“Today, are you here to view the soldiers’ training or to overlook the experimentation of the new plague? Our alchemists have invented a new weapon. While possessing great destructive power…”


“No, I’ve already said that I’m a pacifist, fighting and killing is meaningless to me. Today I’m here to view the preparation of that matter.”


“You are saying that dumb… No, you’re talking about that important matter? The preparations are completed and ready to be activated anytime.”


I nod my head, satisfied. Turning my head around, there isn’t a single person in sight.


Woof woof! Below. Woof woof, below, Your Majesty! You are doing it on purpose, aren’t you? Is teasing me fun? I am one of your strongest general you know!”


Lowering my head, as expected, its my cute Xiao Bas. He is currently chasing his own tail and turning in circles by instincts.


He is Ah Bao’s elder brother, one of my most trusted general in the past and now, he is a cute skeleton puppy.


“I am not Xiao Bas! I am Bastian, the Demonic Spatial Hellhound Bastian!!”


“Yes, Ah Bas.”


“Bastian!! I am your general you know, the vice-commander of your army who knows no defeat!”


“Alright, Xiao Bas, you don’t have to emphasise it that much. I have always thought that you were great, yup, and the most important of all, you are very cute! Of course, pets are human’s best friend while little rascals are their worst enemies.”


Hearing how the tone of my voice felt like coaxing a naughty little kid and my increasingly unreliable declaration, Xiao Bas’s tail and eyebrows slumps down as he crouches on the floor, covering his face. He knows that when his master gets into his crazy state, nothing he say would matter anymore.


The face of a Skeleton Dog with a face of despair, I have finally managed to witness it today.


“Fine, I won’t tease you anymore. Xiao Bas, are the preparations all ready?”


“Anything that goes along with you. Although I’ve always thought that it was a terrible idea, and you have always been known for being unreliable, I will just take this as a play to humor you…”


“Cough!” A soft cough interrupted its complains.


“Then, I, Lich Roland, hereby declares the opening of the new facility of Liu Huang Mountain City Undead Tourism, the Undead Royale Theme Park is now up and functioning!!”


Yes, fighting and killing is meaningless. Nowadays, what is important is the economy, a livelihood for our citizens! Our Undead District must also venture into new industries, which in this case, an Undead Theme Park.


Dullahan Polo Competition, the Piecing-Together-a-Skeleton game, the Ghost Festival Dance Frenzy Competition and the Skeleton Dragon Sightseeing Tour around the entire Liu Huang Mountain City.  I have already prepared a series of popular activities for the theme park.


As for the thing spinning around behind me, it is the theme park’s greatest selling point, a gigantic Ferris Wheel created by piling up countless skeletons. Its height is a hulking 300m and when it spins around, the eerie wind that follows it is similar to a dancing Black Dragon. Its overall size is reminiscent to the gigantic Titans such that it could be seen even outside the city.


Previously, it took me much effort to convince the living that it isn’t some kind of scary war weapon or some sinister plot… But, this is all worth it!


This Ferris Wheel is a living advertisement for the theme park. Soon, countless customers would be visiting the theme park and riches would come flowing in.


At this moment, my Skeleton retainers are dressed up as clowns and playing music at the entrance as I patiently await the arrival of customers.


Unexpectedly, after half an hour, not a single tourist came forward and thus, I asked the Ah Bas who was lying on my head.


“All the adverts were given out, right?”


“Given out long ago.”


“We already paid the Gnomes the advertisement fee right?”




“The safety assurance by the Supreme Court is written in the advert right?”


“Of course, to think that you would be able to receive permission and guarantee by the Supreme Court. Without this, I doubt anyone would dare to come.”


“Is my advertisement slogan not good enough?”


“No, it was extremely interesting and eye-catching. ‘View your own future and greet your future neighbours. Dance with the ghosts from the mirage and enjoy a unique experience. Free entry for the first 3 days and the first 100 customers would be entitled to a mysterious gift! Safety guaranteed! Great fun and joy guaranteed!’ ”


“Then why is no one coming!!”


I stare at this dumb dog but it simply smiles.


“Hoho, master, have you forgotten that this is the Undead District, the forbidden zone for the living. What do you think, in the eyes of the living, we Undeads stand for?”


Hearing that, I was stunned for a moment. “What are the Undeads you speak of?”