The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Gachapon (RT)
“Nine Yin White Bone Claws !!”

Following the tradition where one has to shout out the skill name while using it, I roar and my claw strikes heavily on the body of the Skeleton Soldier.

After which, kacha, two bones fracture simultaneously.

Looking at the otherworldly secret manual named “Nine Yin White Bone Claw” in front of me, I use my mana to regrow my injured fingers while sighing in frustration.

“Another useless object. I have fulfilled the conditions of possessing white bones, claws and even substituted the nine yin with Ice Elemental Magic which should be compatible with the skill, but I am still unable to use it.”
TL: Yin is normally associated with females, coldness and the moon

Thus, I casually throw it to one side, placing it together with the rest of its ‘seniors’ from other worlds, forming a collection unvisited by anyone.

Yes, this is a product coming from another world. From the introduction on the secret manual, this seems to be an extremely powerful offensive magic, capable of penetrating anything and usable under any circumstances.

“Exactly where did I go wrong, my interpretation of it shouldn’t be wrong. Doesn’t Yin simply refer to ice and the negative attribute? Nine means a lot, so I made sure to produce ‘a lot of ice’ and I also have my ‘Bone Claw’. Then, why is it not working?”

But again, if the books on complex magic in this world were to be put into another world, they would be useless waste as well.

“Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palm, the legendary magic rumored to be capable to destroying Dragons. Initially, I thought I could finally seek Xiao Hong for payback but in the end, I almost died from just one of her strikes and she even ridiculed me by making me do the skeleton dance.”

“Buddha’s Palm, it may sound very mighty but this is obviously Holy Magic used to curb those of the dark and evil attribute. If I were to really learn it, maybe I should consider allowing those Priests of the Holy Light to brainwash me.”

These otherworldly secret manuals are all obtained from my unreliable System gachapon.

At the start of every month, the System would allow me a single chance at gachapon, allowing me choose among mystical secret manuals, godly equipments or unique and rare treasures.

Even though there is a more than 90% chance that I would get something useless, I still chose to draw among the mystical secret manuals, gambling for that less than 10% chance that I would receive a true treasure.

In fact, beside the pile of unusable secret manuals, there is an extremely old bookshelf and placed on it are the treasures I get occasionally.

“Discussing the organization structure of the undead army and its manpower allocation to overcome blind spots. Teaching you how to theoretically maximize the war power of your undead army. —— Kel’Thuzad.”

“The mystery between the past and the present, the restriction of space and time? Totally pointless! I am the true master of space and time —— Raistlin Majere.”

“The way to create soul equipment and horcruxes. How can you call yourself a final boss when you get destroyed in a single round. Convert to an undead and revive a 10 or 20 times and disgust your opponent to death —— Tom Marvolo Riddle.”

“The basic self defense 18 strokes for mages —— Let uncle Mordenkainen teach you how to fight physically! Who said that mages can’t use martial arts! A dahh!! Waghhh!”

“Magic puppet army and large AOE war spells —— Evangeline’s choice of graceful magic spell. A true great magician doesn’t dirty his own hands, let your subordinates drown your enemies, let your enemies die without even catching sight of you!”

Such magic classics filled half of the bookshelf. These profound magic knowledge that came from other worlds are collection items that I view more important than my own life.

For a Lich who gave up his own body in pursuit for endless knowledge, these otherworldly magic knowledge is more important than anything else.

But, to ascertain whether these magics are workable is indeed a very troublesome task.

It seems that the only way to ascertain the usability of the knowledge which came from many different world is to try them myself.

“Six Pulse Heavenly Sword Duan Yu Version… Isn’t this just a simpler version of a laser? Although using five-finger tips to shoot light swords is creative, what does fixed probability that it might work mean? To use such an unreliable skill, isn’t it taking one’s life as a joke? Probably, this is only suitable for protagonists who depend on their luck to survive.”

“The biggest bullshit of all is that Yi Wei Du Jiang (Crossing The River With a Reed), what Floating Magic that does not expend mana, what the lighter one’s body weight is the better one is able to use this skill. I am only bones and yet I sink instantly. In the end, Elisa had to find a fisherman to hook me up from the river, how embarrassed I was then.”

“Master, this month’s Evil Points from the underground prison has been tallied. We collected a total of 39 points, 2 points less than last month. We have 2 prisoners that are unable to create any more points. I suggest that we replace them.”

Elisa’s reminder made me recall that it is the start of of a new month again. This time, I am determined to get something good.

“Great Lich System!”

Following my command, a golden interface appears in front of me.

There are only 3 choices available, “Gachapon”, “Quest” and “Strengthen”.

Quests can be divided to daily quests and main quest line. Daily quests are normally just offers some mundane tasks in exchange for small rewards. As for the main quest line, the menu is currently gray. Apparently due to several reasons, it cannot be triggered now.

I have used the strengthen function before and my stats are on it. But at this moment, it is colored with the unusable gray color.

This isn’t the malfunctioning of the System but my personal problem.

【Roland.Mist, Male Lich (Phylactery wounded, unable to strengthen until phylactery is repaired)

Strength 5
Agility 5
Intelligence 30
Charm -88
Willpower 5
(10 is the base stat of a normal human. Other than a Mage’s main attribute Intelligence, the rest are a trashy 5)

Job: LV60Mage/LV1Lich/LV20Warlock (Total LV81, Fighting Power Evaluation LV79, Golden Pinnacle Mage Class)

Soul Imprint: Mark of Justice, The Crown of Undead (Damaged), The Ice Treader (Damaged), Son of Light (Destroyed).】

“Ahhh, my strength went down significantly. Iron Bloodline, Bronze Body, Silver Pride, Golden Will, Respected Legend, World Saint, Immortal Myth, Indestructible SemiGod, to think my rank dropped from the 8th rank to the 4th rank in such a short period of time…”

Soul Imprint is the crystallization of a mortal breaking into the realm of Legends. It is the convergence of his life, experience and strength, the stepping stone to even greater heights. Each person only have one life and thus they can only have one Soul Imprint.

But I have 4 Soul Imprints. Unlike other short-lived humans, I have experienced 4 lives, and thus my 4 Soul Imprints represents me dying 3 times and entering the realm of Legends 4 times.

The Master of Ice, The King of the Dead, The One Blessed By Holy Light, they were all once my pride and glory. But now, they are all damaged and incomplete.

However, to be able to still be so lively after dying 3 times, I guess I should be satisfied already. To have my Soul Imprints damaged, ignoring the fact that I am unable to get stronger, the very fact that I am still alive is already incredible itself.

Just like what my otherworldly comrade nicknamed Voldemort said, if I don’t revive a few dozens of time, transform a 3 to 5 times, how can I be considered as the final boss.

Although each death made me lose quite a lot of important things, to be able to overstep the boundaries of death and return to the human world, my returns are quite plentiful as well.

The first time that I died in battle, I barely stepped into the realm of Legends and the second time, I reached the 6th rank, Saint Pinnacle. Recently, because of my phylactery getting damaged, my strength dipped steeply but hundred years ago, before I died, I have already attained the 8th rank, SemiGod.

“…The loss of memories and valuable knowledge makes my heart ache but overall, there is still improvement… However, it is so humiliating to die here and there. Time and time again, I get killed in the streets, making my reputation plummet, and my armor had to be changed again and again.”

Anyway, it isn’t my first time starting from scratch, so I am not really discouraged. As long I can earn sufficient points to repair my phylactery or even recreate my body, with the help of the System, retraining would instead help me reach higher grounds.

“Even if bones is all that is left of me, I must wait until that day. Of course, I already had enough of being a Lich. Although my talent in Ice Magic and Necromancy is superb, my stats are too skewed. If I want to climb higher, a perfect living physical body is something that cannot be lacked. Cough, it definitely isn’t because of me seeing couples getting married and no longer wanting to remain a bachelor.”

“Hm? Who dares to despise me?? The number of Undead in the town east getting married isn’t small in number and those of the Blood Tribe have even created families. Then, why is it that although we are all Undead, Liches have to be single for life? Liches also need to be loved!!”

Liches are slightly different from other beings, their souls aren’t in their bodies but rather, placed in a treasure known as a phylactery.

As long as the phylactery isn’t destroyed, even if they get killed, they will just revive on the spot after a period of time. However, if something were to happen to their phylactery… Facing a steep fall in power and become unable grow stronger for over a century, just like in my scenario, can already be considered to be a positive outcome.

However, for Mages, knowledge is power. Even if my phylactery is destroyed and my powers cannot be furthered, these otherworldly knowledge have brought me great returns.

“Repairing the phylactery takes 80,000 points while recreating a body only takes up 100,000 points. How foolish would I have to be to use my points on repairing my phylactery.”

Taking a look on the System’s screen, 49762 points. Seeing that the progress to my resurrection is not even on the halfway mark, I sigh and turn my attention on the final option —— Gachapon.

Gachapon draws are only available once a month. Other than secret manuals, there are also “Godly weapons” and “Unique and rare treasures”. But due to previous experiences, I normally won’t choose either of these two.

“On one of the previous gachapon, I drew a Evil-Slaying Sacred Sword and almost had myself killed. The Fountain of Life actually had a natural ability to drive away evil. As for the East’s Exotic Red Fruit, it is an all natural fruit that boosts one’s longevity. Although it may seem like a good draw, I don’t even have a digestive system, so how do I eat it? Thus, I immediately fed the fruit and The Fountain of Life to my dog… Forget it, knowledge is power, I guess I better obediently try my luck with the secret manuals.”

On my command, the golden roulette starts to turn.

“The Art of Mass Teleportation, The Art of Great Destruction, The Secret to Manipulating Beasts… Quickly stop!”

The roulette spins faster and faster…

“The Holy Judgement! The Plans of Fate! The secret manuals of the Holy Church that are confined to the top brass! Even if I can’t use these, I can still sell them to the Holy Church. There are pretty good stuff in the draw this time, quickly stop!”

The roulette spins even faster…

“FFF Cult Flame Interrogation Magic Manual! Sounds like it would fit me perfectly, quickly stop!”

Alright, the pictures on the roulette can’t be seen clearly anymore.

This is the part about gachapon that depresses most people. Although the treasures are right in front of you, the roulette just spins right over what you want.

Furthermore, it is a once-in-a-month opportunity, so I am unwilling to close my eyes to quietly wait for the results. Finally, the torturous ten seconds pass and after passing by a series of valuable secret manuals, the cruel roulette finally stops.

“‘Kui Hua Bao Dian (Sunflower Bible), let Dong Fang-jiejie teach you how to weave flowers.’ What is this!? Even the needlework of weaving flowers can become a secret manual?”
TL: Jiejie -> Elder sister

Even so, I still held an inch of expectation for it. Isn’t it commonly said that the experts in the past are eccentric? Maybe the weaver is also a legendary expert.

However, the cruel reality strikes again.

“Doesn’t it say that those who do not possess ‘The Root of Desire’ is able to practice this? All I have is bones now, so why am I still unable to practice this skill?”

Kui Hua Bao Dian or Sunflower Bible
TL: One of the top martial arts skill in The Smiling, Proud Wanderer. In the story, there is an evil cult called Sun Moon Holy Cult.

A man in the cult known as Dong Fang Bu Bai usurped the position of cult leader through schemes, stole the Sunflower Bible from the previous master and practiced it to become probably the strongest person in the series. It is known for this saying 'if you want to practice this skill, direct your knife towards your manhood.' (That why he is called Dong Fang Sister, he becomes more and more feminine in the series, kind of scary) And thus, you all know what the Root of Desire refers to.

Nine Yin White Bone Claw
TL:A skill from a very famous chinese book by Jin Yong, The Legend of the Condor Heroes and The Return of the Condor Heroes.

The 18 Palms of the Descending Dragon
TL: From The Legend of the Condor Heroes, The Return of the Condor Heroes and Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils

Ru Lai Shen Zhang (The Palm of God)
TL:A skill in used in classic chinese movies and more recently, in Kung Fu Hustle

Liu Mai Shen Jian Duan Yu Ban (The 6 Pulse Heavenly Sword, Duan Yu Version)
TL:  A pretty godly skill in Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils, one of the protagonist Duan Yu happened to learn this skill by chance but due to his lack of proficiency, the skill sort of only works on chance basis.

Yi Wei Du Jiang
TL: This is a story of how Bodhidharma crossed the river by riding on a reed he plucked by the riverside

FFF Cult
TL: A joke in the series Baka & Test – Summon the Beasts, in the series people who get confessed to or hangs out with girls etc, will be ‘kidnapped’ by a group of people and brought back to be interrogated. You all should check it out if you all never watched this anime