The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 26: The Pitiful Holy Knights


“15 years ago, when I was still working hard in the Basic Warrior Academy, I was the pride of my parents and teachers. I am the one seen by the villagers at home as ‘why is the children of other family so outstanding’.”


“When I just reached 10, I managed to grasp over 10 types of basic fighting techniques and successfully managed to get to the Iron-rank. I became the pride of the school, the future hero. I was always surrounded by my cute female juniors. Walking around in school, I would always ‘accidentally’ show my genius…”


“‘That genius from B class? Ge only managed to grasp the concept of consecutive counterattack? If he were to try hard for another 10 years, he might have half of my current standards.’ Casually criticising those idiots without talent, I enjoyed the look of admiration and praises from my cute female juniors. I thought that this life could last until the end of time. When I grow up, I would be a great hero and marry a rich woman. Until that day…”


“‘Talent for Divine Arts? The notification for the qualification of Academy of Holy Light? To be able to become a noble Holy Knight, I’ll go, I’ll go’”


The me then had been looking forward to become that golden shining Holy Knight. When I was overjoyed upon receiving the notification of my qualification, I seemed to have ignored the worried looks on my parent’s face,”


“Noble Holy Knight? Looks like a bright future but in reality, it is just the start of a nightmare…”


“Graduation equals to unemployment? How can this be, I am the genius Knight seen only once a decade by the Academy of Holy Knight!! Look at my Holy Light!! Look at my Noble Charge!!”
TL: Academy of Holy Light -> Knight and Priest academy (I think)


“I’m sorry, we are all devoted believers in the Holy Light. What we need are talents that can help to spread our preaching and not violent warriors who can only fight and kill. Our department should only consist of 12 people but now it is exploding with 24 people. Everyone here graduated from the Academy of Holy Knight and going by logic, they are all your seniors. So, why should they give their place to you?”


“I… Then I’ll go and become a free adventurer.”


“I’m sorry, as one whose job is one with the Holy Light, to repay the gratitude of the Holy Light, you have a responsibility to use your strength to repay the grooming of the Holy Church. The number 7th Holy Church lack a volunteer to clean the altar and the toilets… However, volunteers aren’t given wages but the Holy Light will repay your hardwork. Don’t worry, you don’t have to do it for too long. 3 years will pass in a flash.”


I still remember the look the old Priest looked at me with. “Boy, you’re a newcomer? This old man here have been here for 20 years old, I have tolerated this until my hair had all turned white before I managed to change my occupation. Enjoy doing the job, you snotty brat.”


“I… I will go and be a free adventurer, that should be accepted right!!”


Of course it is accepted but I didn’t expect that that was the start of the true nightmare…


3 years later, I finally became a free adventurer. Why is it 3 years later? If you don’t want to get chased around by the Holy Church, how can you skip the 3 years of volunteer work…


Alright, looking at how my juniors have become veterans and the core of their adventuring team. While sighing, I don’t feel discouraged because I am confident that with my silver-rank abilities, I would soon become the star in the eyes of the crowd.


But very soon, the cruel reality clubbed my head with a mace.


“You don’t want? Why, as a silver-rank Holy Knight, I am willing to join you bunch of copper-ranks as part of your team. You should be happy about it. Or is it that… it is because I am a Holy Knight again.”


The thief standing opposite to me nods his head.


“Holy Knights speak too much nonsense and have too much restrictions in their teachings. Can you tolerate the undead and half-demons as your comrades? Can you socialize with gray organisation and can you shut your mouth when we are splitting up our war trophies? As adventurers, we have to do dirty things most of the time. Can you ensure that you won’t hinder us and just listen obediently to our orders?”


Of course not! The Holy Church has clearly stated that all missing items must be returned to their owners. If you can’t find their owners, then they must be handed to officials. How can they be treated as war trophies and split among us. As for undead and half-demons? The evil chaos! I will never stand on the same line as you all!


Alright… Since our paths are different, we shouldn’t walk together. Since you don’t allow me to join the adventurer team, then I will organize my own…


The process of building a team is still quite successful. There a bunch of Holy Knights and Priests who were unable to find teams in the Adventurer’s Guild and the taverns. Soon, our ‘Let Light Shine Upon The World’ team started on our adventure.




“What does not being able to accept compensation means? Doesn’t that mean we can only wait to starve.”


“Didn’t your teacher teach you when you came out to adventure? We are all knights who serve the Holy Knight and the public. The adventuring of a Holy Knight can only be considered as trip to accumulate experience. Helping citizens in need is our duty and since it is a duty, then how can we accept compensation?”


“If we can’t earn any money, then screw being an adventure! Should we just starve!!”


The senior secretly smiled at us. Indeed, he has an idea and this is how the previous Holy Knight adventurers don’t starve to death.


So, we can’t accept compensations but if we treat it as a donation to the Holy Church, then we can keep a third of it as their thanks, but…


“Since it is a donation, then we can’t squabble over its amount. But, getting a copper coin after getting rid of an entire tribe of Ogres, I can only barely buy 2 black breads. It isn’t enough for me to buy medicine! Right, I still have to donate two-thirds of it to the church…”


“This is still okay. You haven’t met with the requests from the Gnomes, that is the one that really breaks one’s back?”




“We can’t fuss over how much other people donate and even more so, we can’t even fuss over whether the person is donating or not and what he donates… If we meet a stingy Gnome, not donating is still okay. If he donates a half of ton heavy rock, you still have cut into 3 pieces and pay 2 pieces up as tax… As a senior, allow me to warn you, if the Gnome really gives you a machinery that looks not bad, even though it is breaking the teachings of the church, but you must dispose of it as soon a possible. If it isn’t an experimental object which is bound to explode, which means he is using you as a lab rat, or else it really is a bomb, which means he is still using you as a lab rat.”


“Right, be careful of mermen as well. The last time we helped the merman to clear up the coast, they donated a bunch of smelly mud fish. Under the hot sun, it started to stink half way. That stench could be smelled even 10 miles away… It caused be to bathe under the waterfall for 3 days straight. I still remember the looks of despise those Priestesses sho at me when collecting the donations, as though they were looking at something dirty.”


The additional information from my Priest companion was hilarious, but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh. On the other hand, I somehow felt like I was on the verge of tears.


“Also, the Demirams, they are really screwed up. Those stingy things actually used their fur as compensation, and it was even by strands!! Can you imagine the feeling of holding a bunch of goat furs in your hands and every few steps, you must count it again to avoid some of them falling off such that you can pass the correct amount of donations…”


“Also, as Holy Knight comrades, everyone of us are poor so we shouldn’t resort to tripping each other’s foot. But that time, I met a…”


Very soon, the teaching session became a great complaining session for our comrades. As for me, I felt despair for my future career as a Holy Knight.


“… At least, Holy Knights are radiant as should have great luck with women!!”


But very soon, reality swung another heavy bat at me.


“Do you have a house? A mount? Savings?”


I live in the common dormitory that is filled with sweaty men, thus we can’t use that location after getting married. Mount, I do one given out by the Church but how can I afford to raise a stallion by myself. Thus, it is left with the Church and I can only ride it during wartime. During the last war, when the company selling feed for the horses reported their expenses… As for savings, hehe, hello ladies, goodbye ladies.


After taking so much blows, I finally meet an innocent and cute lady. She doesn’t mind my poor qualifications and was willing to date with me!


“Ah, how beautiful and kind she is. She is my goddess.”


But the weird thing is most intense thing that we ever do is holding each other’s hands and stroll by the park. She would always reject me when I try to go a step further.


At that time, I was a bit curious but I held it in. After all, she is so pure but after 5 years had passed, I was already 30 years old. I can’t hold it in any longer so I bucked up my courage to ask.


“Ah? Aren’t Holy Knights the knights of god, so they should be devoid of desires?”


“I XX!! We are Holy Knights, not Monks (Only a few Battle Monks would make a vow to stay away from lust)!”


So, I spent a lot more effort before getting her to understand the difference between Battle Monk and Holy Knights. But, what happened afterwards was a reply that makes one fall in despair.


“That… I’m sorry, I wanted to have a platonic relationship, that’s why I came to find you. I can’t agree to that. Can we still remain friends?”


“Friends?! Friends your head!  I am already 30 years old!! My classmates already have dozens of children.”


That night, in that dormitory full of sweaty men, I cried in a mess as my colleagues stood solemnly beside me, consoling me.


“You remember Arult? That genius Holy Knight from Lucart City?


I remembered that winner in life. He has a pretty and rich girlfriend.


“Why are you mentioning him? You don’t think that my state is pathetic enough?”


“He fell into depravity and converted into a Black Knight, the claws of Chaos. That rich and beautiful girlfriend of his is actually a demon who approached him to corrupt him…”


“How many does that make it? Before this, many people in the Church have already had their doubts why would such a good women look for a Holy Knight and gave him warnings, but he wouldn’t believe it. No, he probably knew it but he didn’t want to face the truth, he wanted to enjoy the blissful life a bit longer.”


“Heh, all of us are already numb. If we go out to look for girls, we would normally get rejected. Those who actively approach us normally have a screw loose and the Holy Church bans us from spending money to solve our physical needs. Even relieving ourselves is a forbidden evil act…”


“We are humans! Not beasts! Just two days ago, the love affair between two Holy Knights in Xishan had been exposed and they were exiled from the Church. They were my comrades and I even sent them off. But, looking at how they are now, both of them are happy that they can be together from now on… But they are both men! They were originally normal men who likes women! If we restrain ourselves too much, something will really happen! The number of gays in the Church are increasing at a rapid rate!”


“Actually, I’ve started to think that I could reluctantly accept man…”


“Actually, I feel the same too. Why don’t we try? …”


From the sudden formation of the ‘couple’ that day, I fell into total despair and lived like a zombie…


“You want to break away from the Holy Church? Stop being a Holy Knight? You don’t have other skills to earn a livelihood and you are already getting old. Starting anew isn’t something easy. The one job you can change into without losing any power is Black Knight, are you sure you want to try it?”


At that moment, I faced absolute despair in life, and when I was sent to the dangerous underground world, I didn’t even reject the dispatch. What does dangerous count as, at least I can stay away from the increasing gays by my side!


But at this moment, my life took a turn.


“Nanxiang Law School? Accepting students to groom and it comes with a job recommendation? Holy Knights can be directly accepted! Is this for real?”


“Give it a try, things can’t get any worse.”


I didn’t hold too much hope as I entered Nanxiang. After all, my age is getting a bit on the high side and my capability to learn is going down.


But very quickly, I realized that the Power of Law that they were imparting isn’t much too different from my Power of Holy Light. The silver Light of Law, similar to the Holy Light, is a concept below that of the Origin of Order. Many techniques and skills can be interchanged, making it easy to learn/


Furthermore, they really provide jobs! No, not only provide jobs. It is to the extent that an old fellow like me, who haven’t even graduated, was actually fought over by over a dozen companies.


“Security guard, police, judge and similar personnel of the law system, they are all respectable figures of the upper-class society! To think that an useless old man like me would have a day that I would see the onset of spring!”


“We don’t have an annoying church or any gods to serve. We believe in the codex and protect equality and justice. But at the same time, we are also humans and we meet to eat. As graduates from Nanxiang, it isn’t difficult for us to deal with criminals and villains. Even if we don’t become a police and similar kind of public jobs, we are also trusted with doing jobs like acting as a security guard. As Justice Knights also belong to the Order faction, they don’t commit crimes and they hold their vows and promises, thus making them a trustworthy employee to their employers, greatly increasing their opportunities for promotions.”


That year, when teacher was speaking passionately on the stage, I didn’t quite believe him after going through so much.


“But after that, everything changed!! Just like how that teacher described! After graduation, I got a job with a large merchant guild and I only have to work at the front desk for 20 days every month to chase away those weaklings who come to cause trouble, help to maintain the security, my monthly salary is actually a staggering 10 000 gold coins! It is 10 000 gold coins!! It is 200 times more than a Holy Knight’s! Furthermore, I don’t have to suffer the batter of the rain and wind or risk my life!!”


“What, you are saying that a Holy Knight can also do that? Dumbass, a Holy Knight is a knight who serves the Holy Light and the god, so how can he accept employment!”


“Furthermore, very quickly, after I saved money to buy a house, I found my loved one! I even bought a cute Longma with the Red Dragon bloodline. It can travel a thousand miles in a day and it can even spit fire breath to hurt others. I am finally a knight, and not a foot soldier who deposits his mount with the Church.”
TL: Longma -> Dragon Horse


“Just a while ago, I told this recent news to my companions in the past and they all actually rushed here. Now, everyone has graduated from Nanxiang and some of them served as a sentry for the city, some of them joined the Town Security, some of them became a Judge and those two gay Holy Knights, after earning some money, they actually became bosses, married a wife each and even have their own sons now!!”


“My Holy Knight brothers, come and become a Justice Knight. Ignoring the fact that you get to retain all of your strength upon changing jobs, everyone is still fighting for Order and the Holy Church would surely be glad to see everyone changing jobs. After all, they don’t have much of a budget to raise you all.”


“Which school is best at teaching the usage of Power of Order? Come to look for Nanxiang at the sulfur mountains underground. You can first learn the skills before paying money and users of Holy Knight can get in without an interview. The first month of your wages is treated as school fees. We have a free trial for a month and we won’t charge you anything. Our motto at Nanxiang is to study hard, work hard, power, promotions and salary would come together with a beautiful and rich wife! My mother no longer have to worry about me being unemployed and I can become my own boss.”


“This is just an advertisement slogan? You are still worried that you are unable to find a job in the future? Let me work the math for you. Every city needs its own police, public security officers, every enterprise needs security guards and every government requires a legal system, there are so many job opportunities and you, as the vanguard of the law and the loved one of the era, you are actually worried that you are unable to find a job? Come to Nanxiang, we provide you everything. Graduating from the Academy of Holy Light is equal to unemployment but at Nanxiang, you can employed even before graduating!”


The above is all the content of an advertisement flyer. The writer is the Supreme Judge of the Supreme Court of Liu Huang Mountain City Wumianzhe…


“Hey hey, aren’t you going too far? It is said that when the Archbishop of Holy Light old Bill saw the flyer, he fainted on the spot and almost died due to bleeding from his head!!”


Yes, I am digging the walls of the Holy Church, and digging very openly.


Of course he would vomit blood. This advertisement flyer might be written by me but all of the above are very true and it is the pain of the entirety of the Holy Church and those in it.


After all, I was once a Holy Knight and many of the examples were real-life… A sudden heartache resonates made me mutter ‘fortunately, I am no longer an unlucky Holy Knight’.


At this moment, under Adam’s question whether I have went too far, I smiled.


“I don’t see anything wrong with it. When I personally passed this flyer to the Town Security, they were overjoyed!!”


Of course they were overjoyed. Previously, they were not allowed to properly join the legal system but now that they are allowed to study the Power of Law, this is synonymous that my legal system and Liu Huang Mountain City have completely accepted them.


They already used their fresh blood and hardwork to prove their loyalty. If I continue to turn them away, that would be too heartless.


“…You reorganized the Town Security’s Holy Knight army into a Justice Knight army? You haven’t told this news to old Bill right, I’m afraid he might be unable to hold on.”


“I told him. I even personally sent a messenger to report the news to him!”


“Lord!! You are vomiting blood again!! This is the 20th time this month! The sky is going my rain and mother is going to remarry, we can’t hold on anymore. We better return to the surface world.”
TL: The sky is going my rain and mother is going to remarry -> Things they can’t do anything about (i.e There is nothing they can do about the situation)


“Archbishop, bad news! Many Holy Knights and Priests, after seeing the flyer, said that they want to go to Nanxiang, we can’t stop them any longer!!”


The Archbishop of Holy Light continues vomiting blood…


Hearing Elisa’s report on the Archbishop after he receiving the news of the Town Security changing faith, he was first surprised before vomiting blood straight. Afterwards, there was even a comedic play. I smiled gleefully.


“Who asked you old fool to try to preserve your power when things were in chaos. You even tried to spread your teachings when everyone was in fear after the battle. You dare to treat a lion who haven’t eaten a human in awhile as a sick cat, you deserve it!”

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